Thursday 18 November 2010

Freedom!

Hi. Well, I know its been a while since I last posted. I've been consumed with moving and finding a place to live. Ended up somewhere temporary (and generally disgusting which is sooo not me), but didnt have a choice, so here I am! Its its own freedom in a way...I can leave if I decide I want to go anywahere else.
But real freedom is that I met a new donor two days ago, and we got on so did N.I. that night and last night too, and I just thought, what could better than having sex with someone, no strings attached, and having a purpose wich both of you are aware of and agree on, no hidden agendas. Its a bit weird, like finding out you can just walk out the window and not come crashing to the ground, but walk deftly across the open air.
Until now, I thought meeting for sex only would be so sleazy, and with some people I'm sure it is, so I've been in long term relationships or abstaining.
There are so many donors on this site; lovely guys, not sleazy and they want to help. I still question their motivations inwardly, but am beginning to realise thats just me. I'm like a kid in a candy store, waiting to find out what the catch is, but thats fading. I think this experience is restoring my faith in humanity.
And SO, hmm, I could be pregnant. BUT I am determined not to torture myself with the am or am I not seesaw this time. It helps that I had fabulous sex twice in the process, so even if it doesnt have the original desired result, it was well worth it! And if not, there's a lovely guy in Copenhagen waiting for me for next month....