Well, nothing like a Royal Wedding to remind you how your life is really shit.
Dont get me wrong, it was absolutely gorgeous, they are a lovely couple, so clearly in love with each other, and I absolutely loved it, and I wish them every happiness, I really do, AND it does restore ones faith in true love... however, it does remind one of the short-comings of one's own life, that is for sure.
I had some really weird dreams last night, not that I remember them, and I am now seriously considering ( and not for the first time in a year) dying my hair back to my natural colour, I mean if being brunette is good enough for a princess, it must me good enough for me...
But, no hasty changes will be made, I know how that can be! Act in hair haste, repent in hair leisure. I am sick to the teeth of what bleach does to my hair though.
And all that romance does shed rather another light on the whole sperm donor thing, I mean hardly happily ever after is it? Hmm...of course, I did know that, but it does bring it front and center.
I'm sure all this is a passing mood, and I'll be back to my normal positive (and I might add, non-PMT) self in couple of days- in fact I almost didnt write this post as its so not in keeping, and also because I have really been struggling quite heavily with the Gullain Barre (see earlier post in this blog for more info) over the last 3 or 4 days. Like most auto-immune disorders, it really kicks up when hormones do, so I usually know when to expect it, but the truth is I havent been taking quite as good care of myself this year, and so the symptoms are worse. Anyway, now I am resolutely back on my super health kick (as opposed to my usual health kick) and back to spending mega-bucks on supplements, and will have to rejoin the gym- daily yoga and lots of walking up and down hills not being enough to turn back the ravages of the auto-immune monster. Still, there's comfort in the knowledge of what is needed do to improve things. The first day I started taking more supplements was the day before yesterday, and I have already noticed a difference, so at least I get to see tangible results quickly. The down side is wondering what will happen to the rent by the end of the month...
*SIGH* Not being paid for one's work really is quite crap.
Ok, enough whinging, I'm nauseating myself (or is that the PMT?)
I thought I was in no state to come up with a song for the day, but actually I am, and here it is:
Tumbling Down by The Venus In Furs
Gee, but it's hard
When one lowers one's guard to the vultures
Now, me I regard it
A torturous hardship that smolders
Like a peppermint eaten away
Will I fight? Will I swagger, or sway? ....
*************
Good question...
*;-)Lulu
Saturday 30 April 2011
Tuesday 26 April 2011
Yes, The Picture's Changing Every Moment...
And your destination you dont know it... Avalon Roxy Music
Well, some times life takes some interesting turns which do make me wonder how much of a hand fate plays for all of us.
Theres a guy I met internet dating a few years ago, and we chatted a lot online and on the phone a bit, then one and another thing happened and we never did meet, lost touch. Now thanks to facebook we have reconnected, and it turns out hes been going through a valiant life threatening struggle health wise, which makes anything I am going through seem somewhat trivial.
So much can happen in so short a time...
I have my interview for the radio show tomorrow. Very serious show, so I hope I dont seem too flippant.
Its funny but lately my life has become very deep and serious, although I am quite happy- a combination I have never experienced before. I really thought I had experienced most emotions by now, except those of being a biological mother. Its really nice to know theres still something new.
I do so love life for all its twists and turns...
Stay tuned
*:-) Lulu
When you bossa nova theres no holding... Avalon
Well, some times life takes some interesting turns which do make me wonder how much of a hand fate plays for all of us.
Theres a guy I met internet dating a few years ago, and we chatted a lot online and on the phone a bit, then one and another thing happened and we never did meet, lost touch. Now thanks to facebook we have reconnected, and it turns out hes been going through a valiant life threatening struggle health wise, which makes anything I am going through seem somewhat trivial.
So much can happen in so short a time...
I have my interview for the radio show tomorrow. Very serious show, so I hope I dont seem too flippant.
Its funny but lately my life has become very deep and serious, although I am quite happy- a combination I have never experienced before. I really thought I had experienced most emotions by now, except those of being a biological mother. Its really nice to know theres still something new.
I do so love life for all its twists and turns...
Stay tuned
*:-) Lulu
When you bossa nova theres no holding... Avalon
Monday 25 April 2011
Diamond Meadows
...'hey, lets do it like we're friends'... who can argue with Marc Bolan?
Had a weekend of getting my facebook page off the ground and its shaping up well for my art business.
I must get back to work on that as it is what pays the bills.
Had vague criticism of this blog from guy I used to date (hes referred to in my other abandoned blog...)
He said it was 'a bit deep' which s code for 'too f***ing deep for me, love'
Well, it is deep sometimes but not always, is it?
Ok, here: shoes shoes shoes, hair hair hair, clothes clothes clothes...there! Ha!
Had a lightening fast drink with my brother today between his changing of a poopy nappy on my three year old niece and a major spew up from my 3 week old niece, what fun! And I must have it bad because I still am keen to get on with having one + of my own.
Oh, also I saw the article, finally. What a crap photo. There were better ones. I know because they are there on the syndicated press page if you google me with the Times. Just as I thought, they wanted to make me look weird and sad, and you know what? I really dont care as much as you or I might think I would; its all just part of life. They say to never take your press too seriously, and fair enough. Besides I got to share the other side of a page with my ideal donor, a yummy actor whos name I wont mention...
More tomorrow
*;-) Lulu
'If I could have grown
All upon my own
If I could have grown
I grew
If I could have grew
I do
If I had a throne
You could call it home
If I cry my tears are yours
To open any frozen doors
Hey let's do it like we're friends
Let's do it do it
Hey let's do it like we're friends'
Diamond Meadows
T. Rex
Had a weekend of getting my facebook page off the ground and its shaping up well for my art business.
I must get back to work on that as it is what pays the bills.
Had vague criticism of this blog from guy I used to date (hes referred to in my other abandoned blog...)
He said it was 'a bit deep' which s code for 'too f***ing deep for me, love'
Well, it is deep sometimes but not always, is it?
Ok, here: shoes shoes shoes, hair hair hair, clothes clothes clothes...there! Ha!
Had a lightening fast drink with my brother today between his changing of a poopy nappy on my three year old niece and a major spew up from my 3 week old niece, what fun! And I must have it bad because I still am keen to get on with having one + of my own.
Oh, also I saw the article, finally. What a crap photo. There were better ones. I know because they are there on the syndicated press page if you google me with the Times. Just as I thought, they wanted to make me look weird and sad, and you know what? I really dont care as much as you or I might think I would; its all just part of life. They say to never take your press too seriously, and fair enough. Besides I got to share the other side of a page with my ideal donor, a yummy actor whos name I wont mention...
More tomorrow
*;-) Lulu
'If I could have grown
All upon my own
If I could have grown
I grew
If I could have grew
I do
If I had a throne
You could call it home
If I cry my tears are yours
To open any frozen doors
Hey let's do it like we're friends
Let's do it do it
Hey let's do it like we're friends'
Diamond Meadows
T. Rex
Saturday 23 April 2011
Alone Again Or
Today I found myself in a very different position, giving advise to a 21 year old girl who is accidentally pregnant and not sure what to do.
I feel for her tremendously. My own age and desire to have a baby doesnt change my empathy for the heartache someone can feel in that situation. I gave her some advice as to where she might be able to get some info on Easter weekend because of course the NHS clinics are closed and the hospital maternity wards are likely short staffed on a holiday. But no matter what advice I gave, I was careful not to influence her decision, as its something every woman must decide for themselves. It does point up the fact that no matter what our age or fertility situation all women face choices about their reproductive health at some point in their lives, and it seems to often there are others keen to critise us for our choices without any compassion for how difficult it is to make them.
I also listened to the BBC radio show which wants me as a guest, and they had a woman speaking about her experience with giving up a child for adoption. She met the adult son later on, and now has a relationship with him, but what struck me about her story was the emotional pain she experienced when she had to give the baby up, and how the choice was basically made for her by her parents.
I share all this to remind my readers that although I make light about the situation I find myself in, it my way of dealing with something that is other than ideal. Using a known donor/co-parent is my choice, after sifting through a myriad of other choices, but do not imagine for one moment that I am frivolous or unaware of the effect my decisions may have down to the line.
To that end, I watched the trailer to a documentary film, about donors who group together to find their donor father. It was brilliant to see how lovely these young people were, and how interested they were in finding their anonymous donor father. And it was fascinating to see how many physical features and personality traits they shared. Which certainly supports my theory that so many things and inherited genetically, and supports me further in my choice.
Well, its cooler and raining now thank Heavens, and thats not something one hears often in London at Easter!
There's some stuff brewing with Danish donor, I'll keep you posted...
Until next time then,
*:-)Lulu
ps today's title/song is by 60s group Love- sort of a precursor to the Stone Roses- Enjoy!
I feel for her tremendously. My own age and desire to have a baby doesnt change my empathy for the heartache someone can feel in that situation. I gave her some advice as to where she might be able to get some info on Easter weekend because of course the NHS clinics are closed and the hospital maternity wards are likely short staffed on a holiday. But no matter what advice I gave, I was careful not to influence her decision, as its something every woman must decide for themselves. It does point up the fact that no matter what our age or fertility situation all women face choices about their reproductive health at some point in their lives, and it seems to often there are others keen to critise us for our choices without any compassion for how difficult it is to make them.
I also listened to the BBC radio show which wants me as a guest, and they had a woman speaking about her experience with giving up a child for adoption. She met the adult son later on, and now has a relationship with him, but what struck me about her story was the emotional pain she experienced when she had to give the baby up, and how the choice was basically made for her by her parents.
I share all this to remind my readers that although I make light about the situation I find myself in, it my way of dealing with something that is other than ideal. Using a known donor/co-parent is my choice, after sifting through a myriad of other choices, but do not imagine for one moment that I am frivolous or unaware of the effect my decisions may have down to the line.
To that end, I watched the trailer to a documentary film, about donors who group together to find their donor father. It was brilliant to see how lovely these young people were, and how interested they were in finding their anonymous donor father. And it was fascinating to see how many physical features and personality traits they shared. Which certainly supports my theory that so many things and inherited genetically, and supports me further in my choice.
Well, its cooler and raining now thank Heavens, and thats not something one hears often in London at Easter!
There's some stuff brewing with Danish donor, I'll keep you posted...
Until next time then,
*:-)Lulu
ps today's title/song is by 60s group Love- sort of a precursor to the Stone Roses- Enjoy!
Thursday 21 April 2011
The Whole Shebang
As you can see from both yesterday's and today's titles, I am on a Velvet Goldmine train of thought. If you dont know it, this song is by Grant Lee Buffalo. (Have a listen, this album rocks!)
Today was another gorgeous summer day lush flowery and lovely. I had my meeting with the documentary filmaker at my usual hang out, Cachao in PH, and the neighborhood performed splendidly, as my spritual home, it rarely lets me down.
She is interested in using my story, doing a feature of it actually, so have now emailed Danish donor to see if hes willing to participate. I think it would be fab.
I also spoke to the Lister clinic about the Immunoglobin test and treatment, so that would be in the film too. (I touched on that treatment briefly in my Gullian Barre post.)
Anyway, I wont know if the project is green-lighted til next week.
In fact, now its a Easter bank holiday weekend, so nothing will happen til next week. I can really use the time to get somethings organised but it still feels a bit like going from 60 to a full stop a bit too quickly.
I'll just have to enjoy some yummy R&R while I can get it, because I sort of get the feeling there wont be much of that for while afterwards....
So til tomorrow, I'll take The Whole Shebang
Enjoy
*:-) Lulu
Today was another gorgeous summer day lush flowery and lovely. I had my meeting with the documentary filmaker at my usual hang out, Cachao in PH, and the neighborhood performed splendidly, as my spritual home, it rarely lets me down.
She is interested in using my story, doing a feature of it actually, so have now emailed Danish donor to see if hes willing to participate. I think it would be fab.
I also spoke to the Lister clinic about the Immunoglobin test and treatment, so that would be in the film too. (I touched on that treatment briefly in my Gullian Barre post.)
Anyway, I wont know if the project is green-lighted til next week.
In fact, now its a Easter bank holiday weekend, so nothing will happen til next week. I can really use the time to get somethings organised but it still feels a bit like going from 60 to a full stop a bit too quickly.
I'll just have to enjoy some yummy R&R while I can get it, because I sort of get the feeling there wont be much of that for while afterwards....
So til tomorrow, I'll take The Whole Shebang
Enjoy
*:-) Lulu
Wednesday 20 April 2011
Baby's On Fire and, The Nuts & Bolts Guide Part 4
OK, so you've found your donor, or at least narrowed it down to a few different people, so whats next?
Your major decision is going to be how to inseminate. Now of course, this is the thing I am inadvertently best known for, although it was actually a very small part of the whole process of my last pregnancy.
I do understand that it isnt an easy decision for some, and if you read my interview in the Times, you know that I tried AI first.
First the AI. The reason I chose it was that although the donor was keen to get me into a relationshhip, he was a strict Catholic and therefore was not predisposed to having sex. I grew up with a much more open attitude to sex myself, so see NI as a completely natural thing (the hint is in the name). Having been through IUI at a clinic several times, and finding that overly clinical, plus having done AI a couple of years earlier with anonymous donor sperm, I pretty much knew what I was in for. But there were some things that I didnt bargain for... For me it was just so completely weird to have a virtual stranger whacking off in my bathroom, coming out and handing me a specimen pot full of yuk, and then him leaving and me having to, erm, insert it.
YUK. It was messy, awkward, embarrassing- in short horrible, and certainly not natural (again the clue is in the name). That said, I would say there are certain situations in which AI would be preferable. The first, would be if one of you has a medial condition which prevents normal sex (some of these are listed on the website I mention in the next paragraph). Another would be if you are in a couple, and only using donor sperm because your partner's arent up to the job. I've been married twice, and in several long term relationships and am quite sure it would be hard if not impossible to recover from the transgression of NI, in spite of the goal.
And finally, it wouldnt be advisable for a woman who is uncomfortable being with men, either due to abuse, or due to sexual preference. If you would really find it traumatic to have sex with a man, then please dont. The way your baby was conceived is going to stick with you for the rest of your life.
As far as AI goes, there is equipment you'll need. I ordered mine from a small company website http://www.insemination-help.com/index.html The owner Bridget is lovely and very helpful, and the site has lots of info on AI, plus she sends illustrated instructions with each order.
If you order from her site, please let her know how you heard about her website. I dont get a profit from it, but it would be nice for her to know. She sells other products too such as basal thermometers, ovulation and pregnancy test strips. She also sells supplements, but I think you are better off buying those from Natural Fertility Shop http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733 , where you can get more expert info on supplements.You will need needless syringes (I think the large ones are better because the they get the sperm higher into the vagina- sorry for the technical bit :-), collection pots, and something I recommend for any pregnancy attempt whether it be AI or NI with a donor, or just regular normal sex with your partner, are the cervical cups. These hold the semen up where you need it be after you inseminate, so you dont have to lie around with your legs in the air, or, for the more nimble, doing shoulder stands. Considering sperm lives quite a long time inside, and when you stand up most of leaks out, these are fabulous. I believe they were originally invented as a alternative to tampons, I certainly wouldnt use it that way, but I digress. For our purposes they are fab!
Now as for NI. Hmm, well, as I am now known as NI girl, you would think this is my choice, and you'd be right. To me it is the natural babies are made, and although it might be more ideal to do you NI with a partner, the fact that you are using a donor doesnt change that. Furthermore, any studies that have been done indicate that the mechanics of sex improve your chances of getting pregnant. One donor I spoke to had helped a couple with AI, and it took 7 cycles, he then helped a single woman the followinf year, and it worked on their second attempt.
So what are the concerns with NI? Safety of course. If you are going to be alone with this person, you might want to let a friend know and arrange to text them at a certain time, so that someone will check if you're safe. Another way to do this is to have a pre-arranged time for your friend to turn up at your house, so that they can make sure you are ok. Also, I would advise not to drink alcohol, or if you do, drink very little. Although I do understand that alcohol can make you less inhibited and therefore might be tempting in this case. It hampers fertility, plus you'll need your wits about you to make sure everything goes according to plan, i.e. that you get the job done that you came together to do, plus I think inserting the cervical cup when boozed would be nearly impossible.
In the end the choice is very personal and entirely up to you. So my only last comment is:
NO matter which you choose, be SURE to see his recent test results on paper before you get started!
I hope all this helps. There are loads of things you have to way up here, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
------------------------------------
Phew, now thats finished (although I will add more as I think of them, or as other people ask me)...
Back to filling you in on my own life!
I am having lots of media feedback from my blog, so it looks like you will be seeing or hearing me in a magazine or tv or radio soon, I'll keep you posted on that.
As for my donors...last Friday's donor date, who I felt was a decent fallback, has not responded to my after meet email, so I think he's out of the picture. However, my Danish donor, is really coming to the fore in some very lovely knight in shining armour sort of ways, so its looking good there. You may be reading about me in Denmark next month- Eeep :-))!
I had lunch with my lovely stepmum today. She and I have gotten much closer lately which is wonderful.
Tomorrow I'm meeting a docu filmmaker. I am really curious about her project so that will be fun.
The weather continues to be hot and summery, everything is lush and green and flowery, which is in part the inspiration for today's blog title. Its a song from the Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack by The Venus In Furs.
Have a listen and enjoy your evening!
Hugs
*:-) Lulu
Your major decision is going to be how to inseminate. Now of course, this is the thing I am inadvertently best known for, although it was actually a very small part of the whole process of my last pregnancy.
I do understand that it isnt an easy decision for some, and if you read my interview in the Times, you know that I tried AI first.
First the AI. The reason I chose it was that although the donor was keen to get me into a relationshhip, he was a strict Catholic and therefore was not predisposed to having sex. I grew up with a much more open attitude to sex myself, so see NI as a completely natural thing (the hint is in the name). Having been through IUI at a clinic several times, and finding that overly clinical, plus having done AI a couple of years earlier with anonymous donor sperm, I pretty much knew what I was in for. But there were some things that I didnt bargain for... For me it was just so completely weird to have a virtual stranger whacking off in my bathroom, coming out and handing me a specimen pot full of yuk, and then him leaving and me having to, erm, insert it.
YUK. It was messy, awkward, embarrassing- in short horrible, and certainly not natural (again the clue is in the name). That said, I would say there are certain situations in which AI would be preferable. The first, would be if one of you has a medial condition which prevents normal sex (some of these are listed on the website I mention in the next paragraph). Another would be if you are in a couple, and only using donor sperm because your partner's arent up to the job. I've been married twice, and in several long term relationships and am quite sure it would be hard if not impossible to recover from the transgression of NI, in spite of the goal.
And finally, it wouldnt be advisable for a woman who is uncomfortable being with men, either due to abuse, or due to sexual preference. If you would really find it traumatic to have sex with a man, then please dont. The way your baby was conceived is going to stick with you for the rest of your life.
As far as AI goes, there is equipment you'll need. I ordered mine from a small company website http://www.insemination-help.com/index.html The owner Bridget is lovely and very helpful, and the site has lots of info on AI, plus she sends illustrated instructions with each order.
If you order from her site, please let her know how you heard about her website. I dont get a profit from it, but it would be nice for her to know. She sells other products too such as basal thermometers, ovulation and pregnancy test strips. She also sells supplements, but I think you are better off buying those from Natural Fertility Shop http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733 , where you can get more expert info on supplements.You will need needless syringes (I think the large ones are better because the they get the sperm higher into the vagina- sorry for the technical bit :-), collection pots, and something I recommend for any pregnancy attempt whether it be AI or NI with a donor, or just regular normal sex with your partner, are the cervical cups. These hold the semen up where you need it be after you inseminate, so you dont have to lie around with your legs in the air, or, for the more nimble, doing shoulder stands. Considering sperm lives quite a long time inside, and when you stand up most of leaks out, these are fabulous. I believe they were originally invented as a alternative to tampons, I certainly wouldnt use it that way, but I digress. For our purposes they are fab!
Now as for NI. Hmm, well, as I am now known as NI girl, you would think this is my choice, and you'd be right. To me it is the natural babies are made, and although it might be more ideal to do you NI with a partner, the fact that you are using a donor doesnt change that. Furthermore, any studies that have been done indicate that the mechanics of sex improve your chances of getting pregnant. One donor I spoke to had helped a couple with AI, and it took 7 cycles, he then helped a single woman the followinf year, and it worked on their second attempt.
So what are the concerns with NI? Safety of course. If you are going to be alone with this person, you might want to let a friend know and arrange to text them at a certain time, so that someone will check if you're safe. Another way to do this is to have a pre-arranged time for your friend to turn up at your house, so that they can make sure you are ok. Also, I would advise not to drink alcohol, or if you do, drink very little. Although I do understand that alcohol can make you less inhibited and therefore might be tempting in this case. It hampers fertility, plus you'll need your wits about you to make sure everything goes according to plan, i.e. that you get the job done that you came together to do, plus I think inserting the cervical cup when boozed would be nearly impossible.
In the end the choice is very personal and entirely up to you. So my only last comment is:
NO matter which you choose, be SURE to see his recent test results on paper before you get started!
I hope all this helps. There are loads of things you have to way up here, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
------------------------------------
Phew, now thats finished (although I will add more as I think of them, or as other people ask me)...
Back to filling you in on my own life!
I am having lots of media feedback from my blog, so it looks like you will be seeing or hearing me in a magazine or tv or radio soon, I'll keep you posted on that.
As for my donors...last Friday's donor date, who I felt was a decent fallback, has not responded to my after meet email, so I think he's out of the picture. However, my Danish donor, is really coming to the fore in some very lovely knight in shining armour sort of ways, so its looking good there. You may be reading about me in Denmark next month- Eeep :-))!
I had lunch with my lovely stepmum today. She and I have gotten much closer lately which is wonderful.
Tomorrow I'm meeting a docu filmmaker. I am really curious about her project so that will be fun.
The weather continues to be hot and summery, everything is lush and green and flowery, which is in part the inspiration for today's blog title. Its a song from the Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack by The Venus In Furs.
Have a listen and enjoy your evening!
Hugs
*:-) Lulu
Monday 18 April 2011
Finding Mr. 'Right Dad' or, the Nuts & Bolts Guide Part 3
Well, back to the basic old life, but not quite- responses regarding the Times article continue to come in.
I was contacted by a documentary filmmaker today regarding a piece she is doing on fertility which sounds interesting, and my Dad sent a pretty scathing email about the piece- which shocked me a bit, but really was pretty much the reaction I expected from him. One hopes for parental support, but doesnt always get it, and all I can say is, Thank heavens I have had such a tremendous amount of support from all the other people I know. Funny thing, I was shopping for a birthday card for him today...
Now, moving swiftly on to the other kind of Dad- the Dad who will be the donor dad to our new babies.
As I see it (but this is subjective of course), the criteria for a donor is quite similar the criteria for someone you might want to marry or choose for a friend. After all, its not only looks that are past on genetically. Looks are important but as far as intelligence, sense of humour, and kindness, I think the person that you find you are the most comfortable with, is probably the best bet as your donor dad. After all, the baby might not take after their father in this department, but what if they do? You dont want have picked the best looking a**hole, and then live your life regretting that you are raising and parent to an absolute creep who you dont like. Remember, you may only meet the donor for one night, but he will be with you in some way in that little one for the rest of your life.
Now, speaking of one night, I would strongly recommend that you meet your potential donors when you are NOT ovulating. Your hormones will have you wearing the strongest rose tinted glasses of all; I call these Ovulation Goggles. The desire for a baby can strongly colour your views on a person, and make you overlook not only character and physical things that you might otherwise find unacceptable, but things like proof of STD tests, and specific requirements such as, for instance, my insistence that he be willing to have his real name on the birth certificate, but you will likely have your own requirements. So, I would recommend you set a date to meet, coffee is best unless you are absolutely sure you can keep a clear head and drinking to a minimum even under pressure. Bring with you a written list of questions, anything you want to know about his past, and relationship with his family, but most important what his expectations are from the arrangement, if he is willing to sign a donor contract (co-parent match has something about these on their home page) , and whether he is willing to meet all your requirements both about the way you want to go about the insemination and then after you become pregnant. Remember, the word 'donor' is the key. He is there to meet all your needs as you spell them out, and if the donor you meet makes you feel uncomfortable or disappointed, or doesnt want to meet your requirements, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT.
Once you get into this, you will see that there a huge number of donors willing to help, all with different looks and personality, but also different visions of what their role will be and how that want to be helpful. There will be someone to match with you. I would also strongly recommend meeting at least two before deciding.
I know how the strong desire to have a baby can make you feel in such a rush that you may overlook these things, but I sincerely want you to be happy, so please try to take a deep breath (follow the advice in the N&B Guide Part 1 :-) and find Mr Right Dad, not Mr Right Now Dad, because this baby is for life!
As for where you might meet Mr Right Dad? I've found http://www.co-parentmatch.com/ to be enormously helpful. They have a large number of donors, plus a wide variety of people looking for co-parents, if this is something you would like to consider. Dont be fooled by the name though, there are a large number of men strictly interested in becoming donors there. I tried another site before discovering them, but they no longer exist so not worth talking about. From what I gather their are other sites too, although I cannot comment on them as I havent felt the need to go beyond the one I'm using. If I do, I will be sure to update you all, of course! :-)
Thats it for this topic. In the next part of the N&B Guide, I will be tackling the sticky (pun not intended) topic of AI v NI.
I'm off to do some Sedona Method Releasing!
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
*:-) Lulu
I was contacted by a documentary filmmaker today regarding a piece she is doing on fertility which sounds interesting, and my Dad sent a pretty scathing email about the piece- which shocked me a bit, but really was pretty much the reaction I expected from him. One hopes for parental support, but doesnt always get it, and all I can say is, Thank heavens I have had such a tremendous amount of support from all the other people I know. Funny thing, I was shopping for a birthday card for him today...
Now, moving swiftly on to the other kind of Dad- the Dad who will be the donor dad to our new babies.
As I see it (but this is subjective of course), the criteria for a donor is quite similar the criteria for someone you might want to marry or choose for a friend. After all, its not only looks that are past on genetically. Looks are important but as far as intelligence, sense of humour, and kindness, I think the person that you find you are the most comfortable with, is probably the best bet as your donor dad. After all, the baby might not take after their father in this department, but what if they do? You dont want have picked the best looking a**hole, and then live your life regretting that you are raising and parent to an absolute creep who you dont like. Remember, you may only meet the donor for one night, but he will be with you in some way in that little one for the rest of your life.
Now, speaking of one night, I would strongly recommend that you meet your potential donors when you are NOT ovulating. Your hormones will have you wearing the strongest rose tinted glasses of all; I call these Ovulation Goggles. The desire for a baby can strongly colour your views on a person, and make you overlook not only character and physical things that you might otherwise find unacceptable, but things like proof of STD tests, and specific requirements such as, for instance, my insistence that he be willing to have his real name on the birth certificate, but you will likely have your own requirements. So, I would recommend you set a date to meet, coffee is best unless you are absolutely sure you can keep a clear head and drinking to a minimum even under pressure. Bring with you a written list of questions, anything you want to know about his past, and relationship with his family, but most important what his expectations are from the arrangement, if he is willing to sign a donor contract (co-parent match has something about these on their home page) , and whether he is willing to meet all your requirements both about the way you want to go about the insemination and then after you become pregnant. Remember, the word 'donor' is the key. He is there to meet all your needs as you spell them out, and if the donor you meet makes you feel uncomfortable or disappointed, or doesnt want to meet your requirements, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT.
Once you get into this, you will see that there a huge number of donors willing to help, all with different looks and personality, but also different visions of what their role will be and how that want to be helpful. There will be someone to match with you. I would also strongly recommend meeting at least two before deciding.
I know how the strong desire to have a baby can make you feel in such a rush that you may overlook these things, but I sincerely want you to be happy, so please try to take a deep breath (follow the advice in the N&B Guide Part 1 :-) and find Mr Right Dad, not Mr Right Now Dad, because this baby is for life!
As for where you might meet Mr Right Dad? I've found http://www.co-parentmatch.com/ to be enormously helpful. They have a large number of donors, plus a wide variety of people looking for co-parents, if this is something you would like to consider. Dont be fooled by the name though, there are a large number of men strictly interested in becoming donors there. I tried another site before discovering them, but they no longer exist so not worth talking about. From what I gather their are other sites too, although I cannot comment on them as I havent felt the need to go beyond the one I'm using. If I do, I will be sure to update you all, of course! :-)
Thats it for this topic. In the next part of the N&B Guide, I will be tackling the sticky (pun not intended) topic of AI v NI.
I'm off to do some Sedona Method Releasing!
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
*:-) Lulu
Saturday 16 April 2011
More of The Body Bountiful or, The Nuts & Bolts Guide Part 2a
First, to briefly deconstruct last nights 'donor date'. Very lovely guy, but it does seem a bit of waste for someone with a Cambridge degree (which he does have) to spend his life as a professional golf caddy...wondering how strong the lack of motivation is as a genetic trait? On the plus side he didnt lie, was very open, and was actually 6'2''!
As far as the article goes, no plug for my art website, which was promised (http://www.studiolulufinearts.com/ in case you're interested) A huge amount of support from almost everyone, including a very sweet email from War Hero (look back to date posts of last weekend).
Now getting back to the task at hand of sharing what I've learned about getting and staying healthy.
I've thought of a few other key things that have been shown to have an important effect.
One of the first is EMFs, or electromagnetic fields. The most important way this effects all of us on a day to day basis is mobile phones and computers. Most important is the mobile phone of course, as thats the thing we are most likely to have in our pocket or bag close to our bodies. I would think this is fairly obvious, but just in case, and this goes for men too, DO NOT put your mobile phone in your pocket, especially not when it is on (and who carries around a turned off phone?) Different makes of phone emit more radiation than others, smartphones, unfortunately, emit the most.
Eat organic food as often as possible, I'm sure that that this is widely covered on the natural fertility website which I recommended, and I think the reasoning is fairly obvious, so I wont say any more about that.
Vitamins minerals and nutrients. This is a bit of a tricky one, because the mainstream medical community does not recognise a number of critical deficiencies as important, in spite of all the clinical evidence. I would look primarily to Magnesium, Zinc, B6 and B12. DO be careful not to over do the latter three. It would be very difficult to take too much Magnesium and its very relaxing so do enjoy that. A good site for supplement info is http://www.lef.org/ They dont have any info on fertility but loads about nutrients related to other things.
Also in this category should go amino acids. These are less widely known, but if you start googling around you will see that there a lot of women getting excellent results with Arginine. I also highly recommend Carnitine and Glutamine. if you are a vegetarian, you need to be extra diligent about keeping up your amino acid profile. Whey Protein Powder is an excellent way to do this. And, I believe that Natural Fetility shop mentions it, but its worth bringing up DIM which helps the body to dispose of xyno-estrogens. These are a very toxic substance which come primarily from plastics, food additives and additives in cosmetic products. They mess up your hormone levels, particularly interfering with you progesterone. I believe that you can order DIM from Natural Fertility Shop which you can reach by clicking on the banner at the bottom of the page.
The final item I'm going to mention tonight is sleep, especially since I'm about to get mine! If you have trouble sleeping it can have a very negative effect on your fertility. So much so, that apparently you can change your cycle by sleeping in total darkness for a certain number of nights of your cycle, and with a light on for the rest. if you have trouble going to sleep or sleeping through the night, I would suggest taking Melatonin for a while, until you get it sorted out. For years I didnt sleep through the night, and since taking Melatonin for about 6 weeks last year, I havent had the problem again. All can say is, aside from improving fertility, regular full nights of sleep improve the quality of your life!
I will no doubt think of other things in this category, but thats it for now.
See you tomorrow, where hopefully I can move on to Part 3.
For now its
Night night
*:-)Lulu
As far as the article goes, no plug for my art website, which was promised (http://www.studiolulufinearts.com/ in case you're interested) A huge amount of support from almost everyone, including a very sweet email from War Hero (look back to date posts of last weekend).
Now getting back to the task at hand of sharing what I've learned about getting and staying healthy.
I've thought of a few other key things that have been shown to have an important effect.
One of the first is EMFs, or electromagnetic fields. The most important way this effects all of us on a day to day basis is mobile phones and computers. Most important is the mobile phone of course, as thats the thing we are most likely to have in our pocket or bag close to our bodies. I would think this is fairly obvious, but just in case, and this goes for men too, DO NOT put your mobile phone in your pocket, especially not when it is on (and who carries around a turned off phone?) Different makes of phone emit more radiation than others, smartphones, unfortunately, emit the most.
Eat organic food as often as possible, I'm sure that that this is widely covered on the natural fertility website which I recommended, and I think the reasoning is fairly obvious, so I wont say any more about that.
Vitamins minerals and nutrients. This is a bit of a tricky one, because the mainstream medical community does not recognise a number of critical deficiencies as important, in spite of all the clinical evidence. I would look primarily to Magnesium, Zinc, B6 and B12. DO be careful not to over do the latter three. It would be very difficult to take too much Magnesium and its very relaxing so do enjoy that. A good site for supplement info is http://www.lef.org/ They dont have any info on fertility but loads about nutrients related to other things.
Also in this category should go amino acids. These are less widely known, but if you start googling around you will see that there a lot of women getting excellent results with Arginine. I also highly recommend Carnitine and Glutamine. if you are a vegetarian, you need to be extra diligent about keeping up your amino acid profile. Whey Protein Powder is an excellent way to do this. And, I believe that Natural Fetility shop mentions it, but its worth bringing up DIM which helps the body to dispose of xyno-estrogens. These are a very toxic substance which come primarily from plastics, food additives and additives in cosmetic products. They mess up your hormone levels, particularly interfering with you progesterone. I believe that you can order DIM from Natural Fertility Shop which you can reach by clicking on the banner at the bottom of the page.
The final item I'm going to mention tonight is sleep, especially since I'm about to get mine! If you have trouble sleeping it can have a very negative effect on your fertility. So much so, that apparently you can change your cycle by sleeping in total darkness for a certain number of nights of your cycle, and with a light on for the rest. if you have trouble going to sleep or sleeping through the night, I would suggest taking Melatonin for a while, until you get it sorted out. For years I didnt sleep through the night, and since taking Melatonin for about 6 weeks last year, I havent had the problem again. All can say is, aside from improving fertility, regular full nights of sleep improve the quality of your life!
I will no doubt think of other things in this category, but thats it for now.
See you tomorrow, where hopefully I can move on to Part 3.
For now its
Night night
*:-)Lulu
Friday 15 April 2011
The Body Bountiful or, The Nuts & Bolts Guide Part 2
So heres todays installment and forgive me but am rather in a rush as I have to meet donor guy.
Its not looking good as he basically said, 'You cant get test results in paper form so he couldnt show me his', thats crap (sorry! language) you can. I am going to devote another post to this sort of thing about choosing and dealing with donors, but in the mean time, DO NOT believe any guy who tells you this, and although its your choice, I wouldnt go on his say so that hes tested negative, remember, with a donor you cannot use a condom (well, you can to collect the semen but you'll still have to insert it, I'll also cover this in future) and so you are putting yours and your babies health at risk and may compromise your fertility. I have gotten test results emailed and handed to me by potential donors, so as I said, what my donor guy said is not true.
Anyway, this is only a preliminary meeting, so if I want him to be my donor he can get retested.
Now, onto the main topic!
You need to get your body into ultimate health to get pregnant and grow a healthy baby inside you! I know it sounds obvious but I see so many women who arent doing this. Dont drink caffeine, dont smoke and dont live on junk food. Caffeine reduces your progesterone stores which are very important for both fertility and maintaining a healthy pregnancy. Smoking messes up your estrogen levels. Dont weigh too much or too little.
Assuming you've got these basics covered though, there is a site that I have found tremendously helpful, which you can reach it by clicking the button at the bottom of the page. There are loads of doctors and natural health professionals with websites, but I have found this one full of loads of free info in addition to selling products, plus you can email them with questions.
Its owned and run by a very experienced herbalist, Hethir Rodrigez, who specialises in fertility and there are some amazing things you can do to increase your fertility there including diet, specific massage techniques and yoga. And she has concise sections for a variety of health concerns such as PCOS and recurrent miscarriage. The testimonials are hanky-worthy. I suggest you have a good look around on the site watch some of the videos and read some info. Then you'll know which products to order if you want to.
Another site that I found very helpful is http://www.womhoo.com/ Its a bit way out in its presentation, but has some great info on progesterone deficiency, a topic which although well documented about 40 years ago, has only become part of the more mainstream fertility thinking since I have been trying. I wasnt even given a progesterone test by the LWC even though I had a history of chemical pregnancy. If you do not have enough progesterone, you WILL miscarry, so have a look at the research on that site. Again I credit my being able to carry to 8 weeks after all my chemical pregnancies in large part to the research on both this and http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733
There is also an interesting study on womhoo about delaying ovulation for 3 months by using the progesterone, that says you will be super fertile when you cycle off of it. I gave this a try since I was between donors and didnt want to waste my eggs, but my body's urge to ovulate was too strong and didnt take the hint, but I would be interested to know how it works for others. He also explains why it mattes which progesterone product you use.
Another thing that has been proven very effective in infertility is chiropractic. I know that here in the UK osteopathy is more the thing, but this study indicated that after only a couple of chiropractic adjustments over several weeks the participants fertlity increased by 30-35% and that the placebo participants had no results when given a fake adjustment, but their ability to conceive increased by the same amount as the main study as soon as they were given the same treatment. I havent tried it yet but do intend to!
Other than that, Get some excercises and fresh air! Reduce your stress levels (that goes somewhat back to yesterday's post). Those are the physical basics, but its a big topic, HUGE, so I'll do a Part 2a tomorrow.
As said, I'm in a bit of a rush so please forgive the lack of banter and any proofreading errors!
*;-)Lulu
ps... tomorrow, the paper comes out *GULP* I'm trying not think about it
Its not looking good as he basically said, 'You cant get test results in paper form so he couldnt show me his', thats crap (sorry! language) you can. I am going to devote another post to this sort of thing about choosing and dealing with donors, but in the mean time, DO NOT believe any guy who tells you this, and although its your choice, I wouldnt go on his say so that hes tested negative, remember, with a donor you cannot use a condom (well, you can to collect the semen but you'll still have to insert it, I'll also cover this in future) and so you are putting yours and your babies health at risk and may compromise your fertility. I have gotten test results emailed and handed to me by potential donors, so as I said, what my donor guy said is not true.
Anyway, this is only a preliminary meeting, so if I want him to be my donor he can get retested.
Now, onto the main topic!
You need to get your body into ultimate health to get pregnant and grow a healthy baby inside you! I know it sounds obvious but I see so many women who arent doing this. Dont drink caffeine, dont smoke and dont live on junk food. Caffeine reduces your progesterone stores which are very important for both fertility and maintaining a healthy pregnancy. Smoking messes up your estrogen levels. Dont weigh too much or too little.
Assuming you've got these basics covered though, there is a site that I have found tremendously helpful, which you can reach it by clicking the button at the bottom of the page. There are loads of doctors and natural health professionals with websites, but I have found this one full of loads of free info in addition to selling products, plus you can email them with questions.
Its owned and run by a very experienced herbalist, Hethir Rodrigez, who specialises in fertility and there are some amazing things you can do to increase your fertility there including diet, specific massage techniques and yoga. And she has concise sections for a variety of health concerns such as PCOS and recurrent miscarriage. The testimonials are hanky-worthy. I suggest you have a good look around on the site watch some of the videos and read some info. Then you'll know which products to order if you want to.
Another site that I found very helpful is http://www.womhoo.com/ Its a bit way out in its presentation, but has some great info on progesterone deficiency, a topic which although well documented about 40 years ago, has only become part of the more mainstream fertility thinking since I have been trying. I wasnt even given a progesterone test by the LWC even though I had a history of chemical pregnancy. If you do not have enough progesterone, you WILL miscarry, so have a look at the research on that site. Again I credit my being able to carry to 8 weeks after all my chemical pregnancies in large part to the research on both this and http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733
There is also an interesting study on womhoo about delaying ovulation for 3 months by using the progesterone, that says you will be super fertile when you cycle off of it. I gave this a try since I was between donors and didnt want to waste my eggs, but my body's urge to ovulate was too strong and didnt take the hint, but I would be interested to know how it works for others. He also explains why it mattes which progesterone product you use.
Another thing that has been proven very effective in infertility is chiropractic. I know that here in the UK osteopathy is more the thing, but this study indicated that after only a couple of chiropractic adjustments over several weeks the participants fertlity increased by 30-35% and that the placebo participants had no results when given a fake adjustment, but their ability to conceive increased by the same amount as the main study as soon as they were given the same treatment. I havent tried it yet but do intend to!
Other than that, Get some excercises and fresh air! Reduce your stress levels (that goes somewhat back to yesterday's post). Those are the physical basics, but its a big topic, HUGE, so I'll do a Part 2a tomorrow.
As said, I'm in a bit of a rush so please forgive the lack of banter and any proofreading errors!
*;-)Lulu
ps... tomorrow, the paper comes out *GULP* I'm trying not think about it
Thursday 14 April 2011
Keep Calm And Carry On or, Part 1 of The Nuts & Bolts Guide
Ok guys, as promised, here is the first part of the nuts and bolts.
I can only offer what is working for me, so if its not right for you dont do it! But soo many people keep asking me for advice, that I want give you everything I can think of (well, everything I can think of in the moment anyway :-) to help you get pregnant. As I remember other stuff- and learn new things- I will add them to the blog, so keep checking back.
Today I decided to focus on the Emotional/Mental side of things. This is the touchiest area of all for most people, and I've met so many women who try to pretend that they are ok on this score, yet spend thousands of pounds/dollars on fertility investigations and treatments, and would rather go through years of heartbreak not getting pregnant or recurrent miscarriages, than admit that there might be something going on in their psyche that could be stopping the whole process. And for those of you who are cringing already, this is not as airy-fairy as it may sound.
Its now established conventional knowledge that the psyche has a tremendous effect, even a deciding factor, whether a woman succeeds in getting, and staying, pregnant. Everything from your GP telling you to 'just relax', to doctors who are the head of fertility clinics suggesting counselling or hypnotherapy, and acknowledging that a vast number of psycho emtional components can effect your outcome.
But as my blog is all about what you can do yourself, because I believe in taking control of your fertility, this is a post about how you can help yourself, for the rest of your life, with this and other things too, for less than the cost of one or two private Harley St hypnotherapy sessions.
I did quite a bit of searching in this area long before I ever realised that it was connected to why I didnt have children, even though I always wanted them. I tried numerous methods from conventional to as far out as my basically rational character could handle. In all that time, only one thing has given me significant results, and you may know what it is, as I have mentioned in blog posts before...The Sedona Method. Although I first heard of it several years ago, I didnt really look into it until about a year ago, and I have been using it consistently since then. I can honestly say I am a happier calmer person for it, and its one of the things I credit for having gotten as far as 8 weeks in my last pregnancy, after having had a number of chemical pregnancies (thats when you have a miscarriage before your missed period). I will discuss the other elements that got me there in later parts of the Nuts & Bolts Guide.
So, The Sedona Method, yes, I know, it might sound like a weird name, 'What does it mean?' Never mind the name, or the home page that promises to increase your income in that way that makes you roll you eyes and go 'Yeah, right' etc (although it might well improve your income and many other things besides :-) Anyway, We are here to get pregnant, and this will zero straight in on your issues, and help you overcome them. You dont have to do anything silly or weird (not extremely anyway), no gurus or angels or spirit guides, or chants...and its not even terribly emotionally painful, so it feels amazing that it works.
For our purposes, and to start off I would recommend several of the products specifically. First are the individual releases 'Using the Body for Approval Control Separation or Oneness', 'Attraction/Repulsion or Sex Food or Money' and 'Slave Conciousness' For a fuller immersion (and therefore faster results), I would suggest the 'Living Love Course' which has a huge amount of content in all media forms. But honestly any of the courses, and any of the longer individual releases, could address your issue. What I suggest is that you look at the site, and let your intuition guide you on which is best for you.
I have had tremendous breakthroughs with this, and it has kept me sane through my previous donor experiences, my miscarriage during Christmas eve dinner with a large number of my family and their in-laws (an experience that would have previously depressed me on its own without a miscarriage), plus numerous other non-preg related stressful experiences. It has led me to take risks I couldnt bring myself to take in the past. And more recently its helped me to allow opportunities, and glide through all the wonderful chaos that has been going on, which I definitely would have avoided previously.
When I had my miscarriage, for example, I expected crushing depression, and usually I cant get through the triple whammy of Christmas New/Years/my birthday all within a 3 week span, without feeling somewhat depressed. Well, this time I kept waiting for the shoe to drop, and feel that sinking feeling, and it just didnt happen. I felt disappointed and frustrated about certain things, well a lot of things! But the crushing depression just didnt come. Thank you, Sedona Method.
I cant urge you strongly enough to try it; either to get over lifelong issues around the subject of getting or being pregnant or becoming and being a parent, or ones that are coming up as you go through the process of choosing a donor, getting pregnant, being pregnant, and anything else that might be troubling you!
Its great because you can do the processes while your doing other things (washing dishes or having a scan, for example :-), or take a moment out when your freaking out, to do a process (like when the donor refuses to be on the birth certificate after you know you're pregnant ARGH, or more simply, when your mother talks to you like you're 10, when you're old enough to be fighting the fertility battle).
It will make things clearer, and you calmer, in any situation.
What more can I say?
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
Ok, thats my soapbox for today. Tomorrow I'll talk about ways you can support or improve your fertility from a physical prospective- there's loads!
But right now, I'm exhausted from everything thats happening, and a bit anxious about whats to come (if you read my post yesterday, you know that I am meeting a potential donor tomorrow, and of course you all know about the impending Times article on Saturday) so I'm off to do some Sedona Method releases, and then a good night's sleep in my flannel jammies, double yum.
Night night
*:-) Lulu
ps... the song for the day is 'Hard Rain is Gonna Fall' by Roxy Music
I can only offer what is working for me, so if its not right for you dont do it! But soo many people keep asking me for advice, that I want give you everything I can think of (well, everything I can think of in the moment anyway :-) to help you get pregnant. As I remember other stuff- and learn new things- I will add them to the blog, so keep checking back.
Today I decided to focus on the Emotional/Mental side of things. This is the touchiest area of all for most people, and I've met so many women who try to pretend that they are ok on this score, yet spend thousands of pounds/dollars on fertility investigations and treatments, and would rather go through years of heartbreak not getting pregnant or recurrent miscarriages, than admit that there might be something going on in their psyche that could be stopping the whole process. And for those of you who are cringing already, this is not as airy-fairy as it may sound.
Its now established conventional knowledge that the psyche has a tremendous effect, even a deciding factor, whether a woman succeeds in getting, and staying, pregnant. Everything from your GP telling you to 'just relax', to doctors who are the head of fertility clinics suggesting counselling or hypnotherapy, and acknowledging that a vast number of psycho emtional components can effect your outcome.
But as my blog is all about what you can do yourself, because I believe in taking control of your fertility, this is a post about how you can help yourself, for the rest of your life, with this and other things too, for less than the cost of one or two private Harley St hypnotherapy sessions.
I did quite a bit of searching in this area long before I ever realised that it was connected to why I didnt have children, even though I always wanted them. I tried numerous methods from conventional to as far out as my basically rational character could handle. In all that time, only one thing has given me significant results, and you may know what it is, as I have mentioned in blog posts before...The Sedona Method. Although I first heard of it several years ago, I didnt really look into it until about a year ago, and I have been using it consistently since then. I can honestly say I am a happier calmer person for it, and its one of the things I credit for having gotten as far as 8 weeks in my last pregnancy, after having had a number of chemical pregnancies (thats when you have a miscarriage before your missed period). I will discuss the other elements that got me there in later parts of the Nuts & Bolts Guide.
So, The Sedona Method, yes, I know, it might sound like a weird name, 'What does it mean?' Never mind the name, or the home page that promises to increase your income in that way that makes you roll you eyes and go 'Yeah, right' etc (although it might well improve your income and many other things besides :-) Anyway, We are here to get pregnant, and this will zero straight in on your issues, and help you overcome them. You dont have to do anything silly or weird (not extremely anyway), no gurus or angels or spirit guides, or chants...and its not even terribly emotionally painful, so it feels amazing that it works.
For our purposes, and to start off I would recommend several of the products specifically. First are the individual releases 'Using the Body for Approval Control Separation or Oneness', 'Attraction/Repulsion or Sex Food or Money' and 'Slave Conciousness' For a fuller immersion (and therefore faster results), I would suggest the 'Living Love Course' which has a huge amount of content in all media forms. But honestly any of the courses, and any of the longer individual releases, could address your issue. What I suggest is that you look at the site, and let your intuition guide you on which is best for you.
I have had tremendous breakthroughs with this, and it has kept me sane through my previous donor experiences, my miscarriage during Christmas eve dinner with a large number of my family and their in-laws (an experience that would have previously depressed me on its own without a miscarriage), plus numerous other non-preg related stressful experiences. It has led me to take risks I couldnt bring myself to take in the past. And more recently its helped me to allow opportunities, and glide through all the wonderful chaos that has been going on, which I definitely would have avoided previously.
When I had my miscarriage, for example, I expected crushing depression, and usually I cant get through the triple whammy of Christmas New/Years/my birthday all within a 3 week span, without feeling somewhat depressed. Well, this time I kept waiting for the shoe to drop, and feel that sinking feeling, and it just didnt happen. I felt disappointed and frustrated about certain things, well a lot of things! But the crushing depression just didnt come. Thank you, Sedona Method.
I cant urge you strongly enough to try it; either to get over lifelong issues around the subject of getting or being pregnant or becoming and being a parent, or ones that are coming up as you go through the process of choosing a donor, getting pregnant, being pregnant, and anything else that might be troubling you!
Its great because you can do the processes while your doing other things (washing dishes or having a scan, for example :-), or take a moment out when your freaking out, to do a process (like when the donor refuses to be on the birth certificate after you know you're pregnant ARGH, or more simply, when your mother talks to you like you're 10, when you're old enough to be fighting the fertility battle).
It will make things clearer, and you calmer, in any situation.
What more can I say?
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
Ok, thats my soapbox for today. Tomorrow I'll talk about ways you can support or improve your fertility from a physical prospective- there's loads!
But right now, I'm exhausted from everything thats happening, and a bit anxious about whats to come (if you read my post yesterday, you know that I am meeting a potential donor tomorrow, and of course you all know about the impending Times article on Saturday) so I'm off to do some Sedona Method releases, and then a good night's sleep in my flannel jammies, double yum.
Night night
*:-) Lulu
ps... the song for the day is 'Hard Rain is Gonna Fall' by Roxy Music
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Friends & Neighbours...& Prospective Donors
Wow, this thing certainly is taking on a life of its own.
I spent part of yesterday afternoon and all this morning bumping into neighbors who have heard about the upcoming article, and are now asking my advice on their fertility issues and methods of getting pregnant with a donor. I'm trying to improve the art website as best I can since thats still my bread and butter whilst trying to answer everyones questions.
I now realise that I have compiled a lot of knowledge that I did even know I had, and that it is really important for so many women, so I sincerely hope that the article will help. I have realised also, that whilst it may be very entertaining (or not :-) to read about my adventures, I am going to have to set aside a couple of blog posts at least, to provide concise info for those who need it. So for the next two days, thats what you'll be getting folks, and I'll try to keep the personal interest stuff to a minimum!
Now that thats out of the way, I will get back to something very personal to finish up for this evening.
Today I got an email from Friday's date, we'll nickname him War Hero, because he is, and it did not make me feel good. I had sent him a very honest email the day before yesterday telling him what the article was going to be about, and today he responded saying that he didnt want any more children, nor to date someone who was pregnant with someone elses child, so basically its 'Syonara baby' (my words, not his :-) Ah, yes, my first rejection for being open about what I'm doing. Still, not so bad, as its better to find out now than waste time dating someone only to find out later, that thats the deal. Now I only wish I'd told him sooner still! Anyway, I hope my romantically-minded dog walking pals are right, and that I may ironically meet Mr Right through the Times feature. But in the mean time, not holding my breath, I have an NI date with another donor on Friday. I had to dump the NI donor from Canada who was ready to fly over here this weekend, but then confessed that he has a girlfriend moving to Canada for him from Brazil next week, and he didnt want to tell her what he was up to. So, dishy though he is, I had to turn him down. I do have standards, and they dont include helping men to cheat on their WAGs.
I cant go off to Denmark this weekend either, so my Danish donor will have to wait a bit longer, although after about 5 months he is getting antsy (somehow I used another donor in the mean time...), and I sense he wont wait much longer, if at all, so he may be out of the frame. Or he could read the truth on Saturday, and find out that I've had a miscarriage with another donor since meeting him online, which I dont think will go down very well. Moving swiftly on...
Who wants a brief run down on Mr NI for this Friday? I thought so! He claims to be 6'2 with eyes of blue, and Cambridge educated. And all I can say is, we'll see...
As I said, I'll talk about the links below and some other important nuts and bolts info on all aspects of increasing and maintaining your fertility,and finding and getting preggo with a donor, over the next couple of days, but in the mean time, I've got Kojak on the brain (I have no idea why) so
'Who loves ya baby?'
*:-) Lulu
http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733
I spent part of yesterday afternoon and all this morning bumping into neighbors who have heard about the upcoming article, and are now asking my advice on their fertility issues and methods of getting pregnant with a donor. I'm trying to improve the art website as best I can since thats still my bread and butter whilst trying to answer everyones questions.
I now realise that I have compiled a lot of knowledge that I did even know I had, and that it is really important for so many women, so I sincerely hope that the article will help. I have realised also, that whilst it may be very entertaining (or not :-) to read about my adventures, I am going to have to set aside a couple of blog posts at least, to provide concise info for those who need it. So for the next two days, thats what you'll be getting folks, and I'll try to keep the personal interest stuff to a minimum!
Now that thats out of the way, I will get back to something very personal to finish up for this evening.
Today I got an email from Friday's date, we'll nickname him War Hero, because he is, and it did not make me feel good. I had sent him a very honest email the day before yesterday telling him what the article was going to be about, and today he responded saying that he didnt want any more children, nor to date someone who was pregnant with someone elses child, so basically its 'Syonara baby' (my words, not his :-) Ah, yes, my first rejection for being open about what I'm doing. Still, not so bad, as its better to find out now than waste time dating someone only to find out later, that thats the deal. Now I only wish I'd told him sooner still! Anyway, I hope my romantically-minded dog walking pals are right, and that I may ironically meet Mr Right through the Times feature. But in the mean time, not holding my breath, I have an NI date with another donor on Friday. I had to dump the NI donor from Canada who was ready to fly over here this weekend, but then confessed that he has a girlfriend moving to Canada for him from Brazil next week, and he didnt want to tell her what he was up to. So, dishy though he is, I had to turn him down. I do have standards, and they dont include helping men to cheat on their WAGs.
I cant go off to Denmark this weekend either, so my Danish donor will have to wait a bit longer, although after about 5 months he is getting antsy (somehow I used another donor in the mean time...), and I sense he wont wait much longer, if at all, so he may be out of the frame. Or he could read the truth on Saturday, and find out that I've had a miscarriage with another donor since meeting him online, which I dont think will go down very well. Moving swiftly on...
Who wants a brief run down on Mr NI for this Friday? I thought so! He claims to be 6'2 with eyes of blue, and Cambridge educated. And all I can say is, we'll see...
As I said, I'll talk about the links below and some other important nuts and bolts info on all aspects of increasing and maintaining your fertility,and finding and getting preggo with a donor, over the next couple of days, but in the mean time, I've got Kojak on the brain (I have no idea why) so
'Who loves ya baby?'
*:-) Lulu
http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Shooting The Messenger
So, yes, yesterday, the photo shoot...surreal and totally draining.
I can see why in some primitive cultures they dont like having their photo taken because they feel it steals the soul- it does.
Hair and makeup took hours, then I stood/ sat/ laid in the glorious sunshine whilst the world went by around me, and a photographer I've never met before, and no doubt will never meet again, clicked and clicked, and a lovely but slightly mad make up and hair person re-adjusted me. This went on for about an hour and a half, and then we all went our separate ways, I went home to my life, to walk Aslan. All this so I can become the poster girl for NI- who'd have thought it. I always thought I might be known for something, but certainly never thought it would be this...
Anyway, for the third time in a day Aslan and I made our way back to Primrose Hill where we met an A-list celeb and her lovely little dog; and life goes on. Never would it be more convenient for me to live in PH, just for the sheer amount of time I spend walking down there! But now in Belsize and liking it, just figures I seem to constantly need to be down there.
And all this is...its all very much on par with my New York life, but new unexpected and unsought here, nevertheless entirely welcome. Interesting though, I had seriously been considering returning to New York for some of my old life, but, at least for now, it doesnt look like that will be necessary. Life is funny that way; seems the best way to the thing you want the most, is to give up on it entirely.
Stay tuned*:-)
Lulu
Lulu
Sunday 10 April 2011
The Date
Firstly, let me just say how fabutastic the weather has been these last few days, AMAZING!
My hair went well, I did stand up for myself and got to comb my own hair. The highlights arent quite what I want, but a huge improvement on what I had, so thats good, and I am sure that if I continue on with the same colourist we'll get closer after a few goes.
As for The Date, well jury is still out I suppose. He is by far the most interesting, I'd go as far to say, compelling guy I've met in a very long time. Would I see him again, um yes, I think so...too early to commit to any opinion beyond that, my hideous history being what it is...AND, and this is big, he doesnt yet know what my article is about. Also it may just be my suspicious mind, but I feel like there's some big piece he's withholding, a g/f perhaps?
Tomorrow is the photo shoot, and I'm happy to say that the date has now distracted me from worrying too much about that, although I am definitely nervous about it. Again, I'm worried the hair and make-up person will make me look awful, and that the photographs will be horrible. I'm not very photogenic and its not easy to get a good pic of me. Oh well, no choice, it will be good to get it over with!
Once more into the breech! The breech being all things new....
My hair went well, I did stand up for myself and got to comb my own hair. The highlights arent quite what I want, but a huge improvement on what I had, so thats good, and I am sure that if I continue on with the same colourist we'll get closer after a few goes.
As for The Date, well jury is still out I suppose. He is by far the most interesting, I'd go as far to say, compelling guy I've met in a very long time. Would I see him again, um yes, I think so...too early to commit to any opinion beyond that, my hideous history being what it is...AND, and this is big, he doesnt yet know what my article is about. Also it may just be my suspicious mind, but I feel like there's some big piece he's withholding, a g/f perhaps?
Tomorrow is the photo shoot, and I'm happy to say that the date has now distracted me from worrying too much about that, although I am definitely nervous about it. Again, I'm worried the hair and make-up person will make me look awful, and that the photographs will be horrible. I'm not very photogenic and its not easy to get a good pic of me. Oh well, no choice, it will be good to get it over with!
Once more into the breech! The breech being all things new....
Friday 8 April 2011
Seems eons since my last post.
The weather here has been incredibly hot and sunny, more like June than early April, with the one exception, which was the day I last posted. I finally got to the storage room yesterday and got date clothes for tonight and summer clothes for everything else.
Today is Hair Day- Eek! I'm really anxious they're going to screw it up. Not the colourist who seems to really know what he's doing and take his craft quite seriously, but the assistants. That said, I have reviewed all my previous visits to Aveda salons and decided that the damage seems to mostly be caused by the conditioner not being good enough (ironic since they are so big on their products) and assistants who scrub my head like it was a pot with stuck on gunk and then comb it out in the same manner. So, my plan is to bring my own conditioner and comb out myself and no blow dry. its something I have insisted on in other salons in the past but not there, mostly due to feeling intimidated by their evangelical style, but I will be firm, and say these things are non-negotiable!! I do have the photo shoot on my side, let them think they are indulging my jitters about that.
This is going to a fantastic exercise in self-assertion, which isnt always my strong suit! Watch this space for the after report on how I did...
Now as far as The Date goes- I am charting a totally new course in etiquette. Do I tell my date about the article or not? Playing it by ear, as I dont think there is any right answer... I'll say one thing, considering this guy and I have been trying to sort this date for the last 3 months, its amazing its not the foremost thing on my mind, but other things seem to be taking priority these days. Still with everything thats going on I have triple first night jitters.
The weather here has been incredibly hot and sunny, more like June than early April, with the one exception, which was the day I last posted. I finally got to the storage room yesterday and got date clothes for tonight and summer clothes for everything else.
Today is Hair Day- Eek! I'm really anxious they're going to screw it up. Not the colourist who seems to really know what he's doing and take his craft quite seriously, but the assistants. That said, I have reviewed all my previous visits to Aveda salons and decided that the damage seems to mostly be caused by the conditioner not being good enough (ironic since they are so big on their products) and assistants who scrub my head like it was a pot with stuck on gunk and then comb it out in the same manner. So, my plan is to bring my own conditioner and comb out myself and no blow dry. its something I have insisted on in other salons in the past but not there, mostly due to feeling intimidated by their evangelical style, but I will be firm, and say these things are non-negotiable!! I do have the photo shoot on my side, let them think they are indulging my jitters about that.
This is going to a fantastic exercise in self-assertion, which isnt always my strong suit! Watch this space for the after report on how I did...
Now as far as The Date goes- I am charting a totally new course in etiquette. Do I tell my date about the article or not? Playing it by ear, as I dont think there is any right answer... I'll say one thing, considering this guy and I have been trying to sort this date for the last 3 months, its amazing its not the foremost thing on my mind, but other things seem to be taking priority these days. Still with everything thats going on I have triple first night jitters.
Tuesday 5 April 2011
Return From the Abyss
Today I am almost recovered from my free fall into illness, which turned out to be quite short this time (assuming the path forward is straight, which isnt alway the case).
And it was all very busy.
Lots of drama in the dog community, bumping into lots of neighors, and trying to catch up with all the bits and pieces like going to the bank so I could pay bills and grocery shopping- and trying to reschedule the photo shoot.
And then...
I met my new niece! She is so lovely and tiny at only 4 days old.
So glad my brother made time so that I got to see her. There was a priest there when I arrived which rather suprised me as my other niece is baptised C of E. Didnt get a chance to ask, so will see what the plan is when I can.
I think most people would expect that I would have felt weird or upset, given that I want my own babies, but it wasnt, it was fab!
And it was all very busy.
Lots of drama in the dog community, bumping into lots of neighors, and trying to catch up with all the bits and pieces like going to the bank so I could pay bills and grocery shopping- and trying to reschedule the photo shoot.
And then...
I met my new niece! She is so lovely and tiny at only 4 days old.
So glad my brother made time so that I got to see her. There was a priest there when I arrived which rather suprised me as my other niece is baptised C of E. Didnt get a chance to ask, so will see what the plan is when I can.
I think most people would expect that I would have felt weird or upset, given that I want my own babies, but it wasnt, it was fab!
Sunday 3 April 2011
Gullain Barre
A Glorious Sunday Morning. But I am feeling somewhat less than glorious because during the night my Gullain Barre symptoms made their, always surprising, but at this point, seemingly inevitable comeback. I tried to get the journalist writing the article to include something about it, but she wouldnt, and now here it is, just when it couldnt be anymore inconvenient. Will I be able to do the photo shoot on Wednesday? I dont know...Will I be able to get my hair done on Tuesday? I dont know. WIll I be able to get the supermarket today possibly. To the storage room? And to Camden?
This is the problem with this disease. I am going blithely along with my life, making plans like any normal person, and then BHAM!!! Its like hitting a solid wall at 100 mph. And then everything slows as I attempt to hobble my way through what I need to do until the symptoms slowly abate after an indeterminate amount of time (hours days weeks). Another unsettling thing is that I never know which of my body systems will be effected. (For a description of these you can google the disease, but the list is endless, and my level of the disease is severe). It makes life very unpredicatble to say the least.
At first, for the first couple of years that is, I didnt plan anything. I didnt go to either my brother or sister's weddings, the first in terror that I would be in the Lakes and the symptoms would strike, the second because I was in a praticularly bad episode of the symptoms.
Then I finally realised, as, likely anyone with a long term debilitating illness does, that I couldnt let it stop me from living my life. I have never let it stop me from walking my dog, even when, at its worst, I could only get down the street by 6 houses then had to turn back. Nor from my daily yoga, which helps to mitigate the symptoms. I always always do both of those things no matter how rotten I feel. But as for the rest of it, I just had to release the hold button and get on with my life. Which, unfortunately, sometimes means cancelling appointments and dates, and finding myself incapable of getting to the supermarket when the fridge is empty. But in stopping letting it stop me, I have gained some freedom and quite a bit of courage; which is what led me to allow the telling of part of my 'journey to getting pregnant' story, in a national newspaper.
As for the Gullain Barre, I have tried so many medicines and holistic and nutritional remedies, some which I think are working, only to have the inevitable return of the illness. The only one I havent tried is the Immunoglobin therapy which is the recommmended treatment. And which, as you may know, if you are someone having difficulty with getting pregnant or with miscarriages, and like me one, of those obsessive researchers on the topic, is ironically used for treating women with recurrent miscarriages.
And why havent I tried it? Because I spent all my money (down payment for a flat), and some of my parents money, trying to get diagnosed. Says quite a bit about the ineptitude of the top private medical professionals doesnt it? And once I was diagnosed, no money left. Clearly though I must find a way to sort it out. Too bad the Times isnt paying me for my story.
And through it all, I keep trying to get pregnant. Because I cant let that be put on hold either. Ironically, pregnancy is known to sometimes have a curative effect on women with immune system issues, and fabulously, when I was pregnant at the end of last year, I didnt have the symptoms from conception until the middle of last month which was months past my miscarriage. I'm not espousing pregnancy as a cure, but I think its a wonderful by-product of the situation.
Well, thats it really. I'm feeling better than I did when I started this post this morning(after the yoga, before walking the dog), but still horrible. I should nap, but the fridge is so literally empty that I there are tumbleweeds in there. And then theres the other shopping, gathering accessories, hair, photo shoot, and a big date due for this week*SIGH*
Watch this space...*:-/
This is the problem with this disease. I am going blithely along with my life, making plans like any normal person, and then BHAM!!! Its like hitting a solid wall at 100 mph. And then everything slows as I attempt to hobble my way through what I need to do until the symptoms slowly abate after an indeterminate amount of time (hours days weeks). Another unsettling thing is that I never know which of my body systems will be effected. (For a description of these you can google the disease, but the list is endless, and my level of the disease is severe). It makes life very unpredicatble to say the least.
At first, for the first couple of years that is, I didnt plan anything. I didnt go to either my brother or sister's weddings, the first in terror that I would be in the Lakes and the symptoms would strike, the second because I was in a praticularly bad episode of the symptoms.
Then I finally realised, as, likely anyone with a long term debilitating illness does, that I couldnt let it stop me from living my life. I have never let it stop me from walking my dog, even when, at its worst, I could only get down the street by 6 houses then had to turn back. Nor from my daily yoga, which helps to mitigate the symptoms. I always always do both of those things no matter how rotten I feel. But as for the rest of it, I just had to release the hold button and get on with my life. Which, unfortunately, sometimes means cancelling appointments and dates, and finding myself incapable of getting to the supermarket when the fridge is empty. But in stopping letting it stop me, I have gained some freedom and quite a bit of courage; which is what led me to allow the telling of part of my 'journey to getting pregnant' story, in a national newspaper.
As for the Gullain Barre, I have tried so many medicines and holistic and nutritional remedies, some which I think are working, only to have the inevitable return of the illness. The only one I havent tried is the Immunoglobin therapy which is the recommmended treatment. And which, as you may know, if you are someone having difficulty with getting pregnant or with miscarriages, and like me one, of those obsessive researchers on the topic, is ironically used for treating women with recurrent miscarriages.
And why havent I tried it? Because I spent all my money (down payment for a flat), and some of my parents money, trying to get diagnosed. Says quite a bit about the ineptitude of the top private medical professionals doesnt it? And once I was diagnosed, no money left. Clearly though I must find a way to sort it out. Too bad the Times isnt paying me for my story.
And through it all, I keep trying to get pregnant. Because I cant let that be put on hold either. Ironically, pregnancy is known to sometimes have a curative effect on women with immune system issues, and fabulously, when I was pregnant at the end of last year, I didnt have the symptoms from conception until the middle of last month which was months past my miscarriage. I'm not espousing pregnancy as a cure, but I think its a wonderful by-product of the situation.
Well, thats it really. I'm feeling better than I did when I started this post this morning(after the yoga, before walking the dog), but still horrible. I should nap, but the fridge is so literally empty that I there are tumbleweeds in there. And then theres the other shopping, gathering accessories, hair, photo shoot, and a big date due for this week*SIGH*
Watch this space...*:-/
Saturday 2 April 2011
Goldilocks And The Three Colourists
Woke up feeling awful- some dodgy yogurt last night, and nerves...
My hair, ack! Am I making the right choice? Perhaps I should go to D instead?
Had a terrible experience before with that brand of colour but this is different technician, different salon.
I'm just afraid if V does it, that it will come out too light again, as it did last year.
One's too light, one's too dark, and one is very very damaging to the hair....
I'll let you know what I decided to do!
*:-)
My hair, ack! Am I making the right choice? Perhaps I should go to D instead?
Had a terrible experience before with that brand of colour but this is different technician, different salon.
I'm just afraid if V does it, that it will come out too light again, as it did last year.
One's too light, one's too dark, and one is very very damaging to the hair....
I'll let you know what I decided to do!
*:-)
Friday 1 April 2011
And the Beat Goes On
It seems that perhaps I was worried about the article slant unnecessarily as the writer assures me it wont just be about NI- Phew! Finished the interviewing today, and although I find discussing the topic very easy I find the process quite exhausting.
Tomorrow (well today as I now notice its past midnight) is Hair Day (!) I'm going back to V as she has come the closest of anyone to do my highlights the way I like since Mark disappeared into the ethers. Although she does tend to overdo it. Anyway, its not for lack of trying other people that I cant find the right thing, but no one yet has seems to get quite the right shade since then...a good hair man is so hard to find.
I ordered a couple of jumpsuits which are due to arrive tomorrow; speaking of which yes, I realise now its 'au courant' not 'au currant', see I'm not totally illiterate!...Then on Sunday I'll go dig around my storage room for shoes and jackets etc. And I think some new big sunglasses from the Camden Market are in order.
Must head of to land of nod now as its a big day tomorrow. Night night *:-)
Tomorrow (well today as I now notice its past midnight) is Hair Day (!) I'm going back to V as she has come the closest of anyone to do my highlights the way I like since Mark disappeared into the ethers. Although she does tend to overdo it. Anyway, its not for lack of trying other people that I cant find the right thing, but no one yet has seems to get quite the right shade since then...a good hair man is so hard to find.
I ordered a couple of jumpsuits which are due to arrive tomorrow; speaking of which yes, I realise now its 'au courant' not 'au currant', see I'm not totally illiterate!...Then on Sunday I'll go dig around my storage room for shoes and jackets etc. And I think some new big sunglasses from the Camden Market are in order.
Must head of to land of nod now as its a big day tomorrow. Night night *:-)
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