OK, so you've found your donor, or at least narrowed it down to a few different people, so whats next?
Your major decision is going to be how to inseminate. Now of course, this is the thing I am inadvertently best known for, although it was actually a very small part of the whole process of my last pregnancy.
I do understand that it isnt an easy decision for some, and if you read my interview in the Times, you know that I tried AI first.
First the AI. The reason I chose it was that although the donor was keen to get me into a relationshhip, he was a strict Catholic and therefore was not predisposed to having sex. I grew up with a much more open attitude to sex myself, so see NI as a completely natural thing (the hint is in the name). Having been through IUI at a clinic several times, and finding that overly clinical, plus having done AI a couple of years earlier with anonymous donor sperm, I pretty much knew what I was in for. But there were some things that I didnt bargain for... For me it was just so completely weird to have a virtual stranger whacking off in my bathroom, coming out and handing me a specimen pot full of yuk, and then him leaving and me having to, erm, insert it.
YUK. It was messy, awkward, embarrassing- in short horrible, and certainly not natural (again the clue is in the name). That said, I would say there are certain situations in which AI would be preferable. The first, would be if one of you has a medial condition which prevents normal sex (some of these are listed on the website I mention in the next paragraph). Another would be if you are in a couple, and only using donor sperm because your partner's arent up to the job. I've been married twice, and in several long term relationships and am quite sure it would be hard if not impossible to recover from the transgression of NI, in spite of the goal.
And finally, it wouldnt be advisable for a woman who is uncomfortable being with men, either due to abuse, or due to sexual preference. If you would really find it traumatic to have sex with a man, then please dont. The way your baby was conceived is going to stick with you for the rest of your life.
As far as AI goes, there is equipment you'll need. I ordered mine from a small company website http://www.insemination-help.com/index.html The owner Bridget is lovely and very helpful, and the site has lots of info on AI, plus she sends illustrated instructions with each order.
If you order from her site, please let her know how you heard about her website. I dont get a profit from it, but it would be nice for her to know. She sells other products too such as basal thermometers, ovulation and pregnancy test strips. She also sells supplements, but I think you are better off buying those from Natural Fertility Shop http://www.naturalfertilityshop.com/?Click=3733 , where you can get more expert info on supplements.You will need needless syringes (I think the large ones are better because the they get the sperm higher into the vagina- sorry for the technical bit :-), collection pots, and something I recommend for any pregnancy attempt whether it be AI or NI with a donor, or just regular normal sex with your partner, are the cervical cups. These hold the semen up where you need it be after you inseminate, so you dont have to lie around with your legs in the air, or, for the more nimble, doing shoulder stands. Considering sperm lives quite a long time inside, and when you stand up most of leaks out, these are fabulous. I believe they were originally invented as a alternative to tampons, I certainly wouldnt use it that way, but I digress. For our purposes they are fab!
Now as for NI. Hmm, well, as I am now known as NI girl, you would think this is my choice, and you'd be right. To me it is the natural babies are made, and although it might be more ideal to do you NI with a partner, the fact that you are using a donor doesnt change that. Furthermore, any studies that have been done indicate that the mechanics of sex improve your chances of getting pregnant. One donor I spoke to had helped a couple with AI, and it took 7 cycles, he then helped a single woman the followinf year, and it worked on their second attempt.
So what are the concerns with NI? Safety of course. If you are going to be alone with this person, you might want to let a friend know and arrange to text them at a certain time, so that someone will check if you're safe. Another way to do this is to have a pre-arranged time for your friend to turn up at your house, so that they can make sure you are ok. Also, I would advise not to drink alcohol, or if you do, drink very little. Although I do understand that alcohol can make you less inhibited and therefore might be tempting in this case. It hampers fertility, plus you'll need your wits about you to make sure everything goes according to plan, i.e. that you get the job done that you came together to do, plus I think inserting the cervical cup when boozed would be nearly impossible.
In the end the choice is very personal and entirely up to you. So my only last comment is:
NO matter which you choose, be SURE to see his recent test results on paper before you get started!
I hope all this helps. There are loads of things you have to way up here, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
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Phew, now thats finished (although I will add more as I think of them, or as other people ask me)...
Back to filling you in on my own life!
I am having lots of media feedback from my blog, so it looks like you will be seeing or hearing me in a magazine or tv or radio soon, I'll keep you posted on that.
As for my donors...last Friday's donor date, who I felt was a decent fallback, has not responded to my after meet email, so I think he's out of the picture. However, my Danish donor, is really coming to the fore in some very lovely knight in shining armour sort of ways, so its looking good there. You may be reading about me in Denmark next month- Eeep :-))!
I had lunch with my lovely stepmum today. She and I have gotten much closer lately which is wonderful.
Tomorrow I'm meeting a docu filmmaker. I am really curious about her project so that will be fun.
The weather continues to be hot and summery, everything is lush and green and flowery, which is in part the inspiration for today's blog title. Its a song from the Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack by The Venus In Furs.
Have a listen and enjoy your evening!
Hugs
*:-) Lulu
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