Ok, so its been a long time since I wrote anything here...a really long time.
Not much has been happening outwardly on the fertility front, just releasing my inner stuff (see past posts about the Sedona Method) and getting on with other aspects of my life.
I was fully expecting my donor to be coming over this weekend with hope that someone else might come through as a second, but my Danish donor had a mountain biking accident and and the other person has dropped out, leaving me and Danish donor scrambling to see if we can get his sperm shipped here in time but its looking iffy, since it seems that the only company that sells the special mailers is in the States. This is driving me nuts!
I am waiting for my replacement passport to come through and it wont come til after the weekend and I just DO NOT want to wait until next month. Argh!!
SO someone up there, if you are reading this, work your magic (or come on Mr. M)!
*:-)
Tuesday 31 May 2011
Tuesday 17 May 2011
Dont Stop the Dance
SO I did the radio interview on Saturday, and it was a wonderful experience.
From the strength of that interview, and the response, which was one of the highest they've received on the show, I have now been invited onto the Jeremy Vine show, which is a bigger show on radio 2, and he also presents on tv, but that might be a bit rough, so not sure if I'll do it. I'm speaking to the producer tomorrow and we'll see...
The people from Saturday Live were absolutely lovely, as were many of the listeners, and I had a wonderful time. Although, I had to dash straight to filming for the documentary for six hours, so by the end of the day, was completely tired of talking!
Part of the filming turned out to be an impromptu interview by a neighbor who I'd never met before. She asked what we were filming while we were on the way to meet a potential donor, she asked some great questions, which was a surprise but really fun. The donor was awful and wooden and wore dark glasses the whole time, and kept furtively looking around; it was really weird.
Anyway, this week is fairly quiet as the filmmaker is away and no major meetings with anyone.
Now, I must address something: I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about people who keep going on about my having kids on my own...its simply a choice over not having them at all.
I am much tougher, more together and more organised than I have ever been, and definitely feel much more able to cope than I ever would have. Plus I have a huge amount of support. And I would also say, that people cope with harder things. Wanting something so absolutely makes it easier, because when things get rough, one can always look back and realise that the goal has finally been reached; the joy of that will carry me through. Also, depending on who the donor ends up being, they will be involved and supportive, and that is the kind of donor I am looking for. So everyone stop worrying so much! I love you and I appreciate that you care, but just stop worrying! There. Thats my soapbox done for the day!
So here I am, having started my journey, and firmly on my way, but not anywhere near the end...so the song for the day is as this post is titled, by Roxy Music
Night night
*:-) Lulu
Wednesday 11 May 2011
The Italian Job
Well, things certainly have been weird lately with potential donors swinging in and out of the trees at such a rate that I'm getting dizzy.
Yesterday I received about 50 emails (no exaggeration) from an Italian potential donor, hence the title although I was thinking of 'A Gentleman from Verona' because he is, from Verona that is, but certainly no gentleman.
Anyway, he was thinking of coming over from Italy today so that we could 'make a beautiful baby boy together' but that feel apart a bit when I demanded STD test papers, and he demanded a photo of me in a bikini- clearly we are not on the same page with what donoring is about...
Also, my lovely Danish donor couldnt come over on Tuesday because he couldnt get even few hours off work, so no donors for now.
Today, I was supposed to speak to the person to set the questions for the radio show on Saturday but was bumped by a 'biopolar' Adam Ant who she was interviewing, so the day was a bit frustrating, since I had been offered work this afternoon helping someone set up her computer. Still, I wasnt feeling all that well, due to the disappointment about things getting so muddled and yet still frantic this week, so I probably wouldnt have been at my best to help her anyway.
Anyway, I started feeling better by supper time, as I had spent much of the day doing the Sedona Method, which is a complete godsend! Alters the darkest mood every time.
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
I had made a nice pot roast yesterday for tonight (was I being psychic chef?), and I had a nice chat with someone else from my past this eve, so all in all, my mood has definitely improved.
And at ths moment, the gentleman from Verona is now emailing me again and still wants to be my donor, and is agreeing to be filmed (from the back).
It is hard to find donors who want to take part, one even told me I shouldnt publicise it! How dare he, how are others going to find out its an option, if that dont hear about it, honestly...and I dont tell him what to do. I have another who's agreed, and another who might (and of course lovely Danish donor has been ok with it all along :-)
Thats it for now, I am knackered again, and my boobs are huge! And I just felt my egg go - yes I have just ovulated as I blog.So I must lie down. And its weird to feel it, I dont think I used to... And its so weird how ovulation mimics pregnancy.
Song for the day, lets see....
'Slave to Love' by Roxy Music
Why? Because this whole thing is embodied in the lyrics, a song about romantic love, could it be? Yes, this is all about love. The desire to have a child is a kind of love of its own. That doesnt change when you are trying to make a baby with a donor, the donors express it that way too, which is so lovely. And thats why I'm doing all this. You dont get that at a clinic, only a feeling of weird isolation.
Yesterday I received about 50 emails (no exaggeration) from an Italian potential donor, hence the title although I was thinking of 'A Gentleman from Verona' because he is, from Verona that is, but certainly no gentleman.
Anyway, he was thinking of coming over from Italy today so that we could 'make a beautiful baby boy together' but that feel apart a bit when I demanded STD test papers, and he demanded a photo of me in a bikini- clearly we are not on the same page with what donoring is about...
Also, my lovely Danish donor couldnt come over on Tuesday because he couldnt get even few hours off work, so no donors for now.
Today, I was supposed to speak to the person to set the questions for the radio show on Saturday but was bumped by a 'biopolar' Adam Ant who she was interviewing, so the day was a bit frustrating, since I had been offered work this afternoon helping someone set up her computer. Still, I wasnt feeling all that well, due to the disappointment about things getting so muddled and yet still frantic this week, so I probably wouldnt have been at my best to help her anyway.
Anyway, I started feeling better by supper time, as I had spent much of the day doing the Sedona Method, which is a complete godsend! Alters the darkest mood every time.
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
I had made a nice pot roast yesterday for tonight (was I being psychic chef?), and I had a nice chat with someone else from my past this eve, so all in all, my mood has definitely improved.
And at ths moment, the gentleman from Verona is now emailing me again and still wants to be my donor, and is agreeing to be filmed (from the back).
It is hard to find donors who want to take part, one even told me I shouldnt publicise it! How dare he, how are others going to find out its an option, if that dont hear about it, honestly...and I dont tell him what to do. I have another who's agreed, and another who might (and of course lovely Danish donor has been ok with it all along :-)
Thats it for now, I am knackered again, and my boobs are huge! And I just felt my egg go - yes I have just ovulated as I blog.So I must lie down. And its weird to feel it, I dont think I used to... And its so weird how ovulation mimics pregnancy.
Song for the day, lets see....
'Slave to Love' by Roxy Music
Why? Because this whole thing is embodied in the lyrics, a song about romantic love, could it be? Yes, this is all about love. The desire to have a child is a kind of love of its own. That doesnt change when you are trying to make a baby with a donor, the donors express it that way too, which is so lovely. And thats why I'm doing all this. You dont get that at a clinic, only a feeling of weird isolation.
Sunday 8 May 2011
Is Your Love Strong Enough
Well, its Sunday evening.
Friday I spent five hours being interviewed and filmed for the documentary, then had to hurry to walk the dog and change to rush off to my Dad's birthday dinner. I wasnt sure what I was going to wear, so it was quite a good piece of luck that a dress I had ordered on the internet showed up about 15 minutes after the filmmaker left. Fit perfectly, looked great, went with jacket shoes and bag I had; put my hair up, touched up my make up, and caught the tube. I was only 5 minutes late. It was lovely. Lovely place, lovely food, everyone got along.
Then yesterday I took Aslan to the park in the late morning only to end up having lunch with my Dad and stepMum and my brother who lives in New York. That only got hairy toward the end as my brother grilled me a bit about what I'm up to, but by his standard it was a gentle grilling, and since I now spend so much time discussing and being supported in what I'm doing, I held my own. Anyway, it was the morning walk that didnt end until 2 pm. This morning's walk ended up pretty much the same time-wise, but two work things came out of it, one big, one small. Thank God for dogs, dog walks, dog life. However, between all that and the new running regime, I am knackered!
And donors. Ah, donors donors everywhere, as far as the eye can see.
The article was re-printed in the Irish Independent, and it seems that it has inspired a big spike of altruistic donor-ism. I was a bit pissed off at first when the re-print was brought to my attention by the filmmaker, because my name was deleted, but the writer said she would try to sort it out for me, so am mollified.
Anyway, as I said the horizon is full of donors, full of promise (and promises!) but eeny meeny miney mo, where I'll stop nobody knows- least of all me...
Settling for the wrong one seems completely out of the question at this point.
And tomorrow its back to media darling-hood, and trying to sort through the jungle of donors.
Still not sure whats happening with my Danish donor, he has to see if he can take off work to come over, since I cant make it Denmark. Also, am worried he may be getting too emotionally involved...
Then on top of that I am trying to have some regular dates as well, its not my plan to be single, and if I met someone (who wants a baby or not) all the better (although it would be better if they wanted one, given the current state of things)
Well, must get on...
The song for the day is
'Is Your Love Strong Enough' by Roxy Music
Because its something I ask all the time... of myself, and of others.
*;-)Lulu
Friday I spent five hours being interviewed and filmed for the documentary, then had to hurry to walk the dog and change to rush off to my Dad's birthday dinner. I wasnt sure what I was going to wear, so it was quite a good piece of luck that a dress I had ordered on the internet showed up about 15 minutes after the filmmaker left. Fit perfectly, looked great, went with jacket shoes and bag I had; put my hair up, touched up my make up, and caught the tube. I was only 5 minutes late. It was lovely. Lovely place, lovely food, everyone got along.
Then yesterday I took Aslan to the park in the late morning only to end up having lunch with my Dad and stepMum and my brother who lives in New York. That only got hairy toward the end as my brother grilled me a bit about what I'm up to, but by his standard it was a gentle grilling, and since I now spend so much time discussing and being supported in what I'm doing, I held my own. Anyway, it was the morning walk that didnt end until 2 pm. This morning's walk ended up pretty much the same time-wise, but two work things came out of it, one big, one small. Thank God for dogs, dog walks, dog life. However, between all that and the new running regime, I am knackered!
And donors. Ah, donors donors everywhere, as far as the eye can see.
The article was re-printed in the Irish Independent, and it seems that it has inspired a big spike of altruistic donor-ism. I was a bit pissed off at first when the re-print was brought to my attention by the filmmaker, because my name was deleted, but the writer said she would try to sort it out for me, so am mollified.
Anyway, as I said the horizon is full of donors, full of promise (and promises!) but eeny meeny miney mo, where I'll stop nobody knows- least of all me...
Settling for the wrong one seems completely out of the question at this point.
And tomorrow its back to media darling-hood, and trying to sort through the jungle of donors.
Still not sure whats happening with my Danish donor, he has to see if he can take off work to come over, since I cant make it Denmark. Also, am worried he may be getting too emotionally involved...
Then on top of that I am trying to have some regular dates as well, its not my plan to be single, and if I met someone (who wants a baby or not) all the better (although it would be better if they wanted one, given the current state of things)
Well, must get on...
The song for the day is
'Is Your Love Strong Enough' by Roxy Music
Because its something I ask all the time... of myself, and of others.
*;-)Lulu
Thursday 5 May 2011
You Set the Scene
I started today completely stressed out because I didnt know if I could sort out going to Denmark next week, and because I was feeling absolutely fed up with people wanting to 'chat' with me endlessly about my story (and their story...?!) and not pay me for it, although they are- getting paid, I mean, for the very same chat! Grrrr... How do they think I pay my bills?
So I realised I just needed to take the power back, and so I just stopped. I took a breath, and then took a few considered actions, emails and calls, and got results. Take power back, do less, but more intentionally, get results, ahhh. Works every time.
Anyway, the upshot is, that I am feeling much better now because the original documentary filmmaker I spoke to, is video interviewing me tomorrow to pitch to 'Cutting Edge'.
And, Denmark just may may come to me, plus there are other potential options there...
And I finally got off the fence and got myself a new iPhone, after fannying about with a crap phone for over a year since my last iPhone. Oooo its the brand new white one that just came out a few days ago, and its really groovy.
So the song for today is by groovy 60s band Love, called 'You Set the Scene' because I remembered today- I set the scene; we all do.
*;-)Lulu
ps still running, Day 3, and past the worst aches, but need new shoes...
So I realised I just needed to take the power back, and so I just stopped. I took a breath, and then took a few considered actions, emails and calls, and got results. Take power back, do less, but more intentionally, get results, ahhh. Works every time.
Anyway, the upshot is, that I am feeling much better now because the original documentary filmmaker I spoke to, is video interviewing me tomorrow to pitch to 'Cutting Edge'.
And, Denmark just may may come to me, plus there are other potential options there...
And I finally got off the fence and got myself a new iPhone, after fannying about with a crap phone for over a year since my last iPhone. Oooo its the brand new white one that just came out a few days ago, and its really groovy.
So the song for today is by groovy 60s band Love, called 'You Set the Scene' because I remembered today- I set the scene; we all do.
*;-)Lulu
ps still running, Day 3, and past the worst aches, but need new shoes...
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Run Baby Run
What a day, hectic, and beautiful.
Amongst other to-ing and fro-ing, I spoke to someone from a production company interested in doing my story; she seems very nice, but I'm not sure whether or not they can meet my deadlines in terms of events though. Things are suddenly moving incredibly fast, just as I thought they would, and for once I dont want the train to delay or slow down- I'm ready to run...
And, I went running today for the first time in at least a year. I have been very afraid to try it again because I have had problems with my heart and lungs from the GB, and the last few times I ran, I had severe chest pain and got incredibly dizzy. This time though, it went really well, with no fall out. I decided against joining the gym for now due to my current 'financial situation'.
And so today's song has to be Sheryl Crowe's Run Baby Run even though it is old and really quite sad, and I'm anything but sad at the moment!:-) It does sum me up in some way- and its pretty much how I got where I am today...
*:-) Lulu
Amongst other to-ing and fro-ing, I spoke to someone from a production company interested in doing my story; she seems very nice, but I'm not sure whether or not they can meet my deadlines in terms of events though. Things are suddenly moving incredibly fast, just as I thought they would, and for once I dont want the train to delay or slow down- I'm ready to run...
And, I went running today for the first time in at least a year. I have been very afraid to try it again because I have had problems with my heart and lungs from the GB, and the last few times I ran, I had severe chest pain and got incredibly dizzy. This time though, it went really well, with no fall out. I decided against joining the gym for now due to my current 'financial situation'.
And so today's song has to be Sheryl Crowe's Run Baby Run even though it is old and really quite sad, and I'm anything but sad at the moment!:-) It does sum me up in some way- and its pretty much how I got where I am today...
*:-) Lulu
Monday 2 May 2011
What a Difference a Day and Half Makes...
Wow, I was really on a downer when I wrote that last post!! I guess no one can smile all the time but jeez, sorry about that...
Anyway, feeling much better health-wise and starting to feel ready for the weeks ahead. My astrology for this month isnt bad either (quite good, actually) and although I dont take it entirely seriously, I do like to hear things are on the up, even if it is from a relatively silly source!
This week I am going to ramp up my fitness regime. As I said in my last post, yoga and lots of walking up and down hills keps me fit, but in order to have the GH and imune boost that I need, I really need to exercise at 80% peak for some time every day which for me means running. God knows what I'll do when I'm pregnant but for now I'm not so I look forward to the fabulous feeling of being super fit again- lets hope I can get there.
So tomorrow its back to the real world, as Britain finally awakes for its long slumber of two back to back bank holiday weekends. Yay! I cant wait...
And so today's song is:
'Make Me Smile' by Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel, the live version not the watered down one on the Velvet Golmine soundtrack which is (sadly) now a sofa commercial!
*:-)) Lulu
Anyway, feeling much better health-wise and starting to feel ready for the weeks ahead. My astrology for this month isnt bad either (quite good, actually) and although I dont take it entirely seriously, I do like to hear things are on the up, even if it is from a relatively silly source!
This week I am going to ramp up my fitness regime. As I said in my last post, yoga and lots of walking up and down hills keps me fit, but in order to have the GH and imune boost that I need, I really need to exercise at 80% peak for some time every day which for me means running. God knows what I'll do when I'm pregnant but for now I'm not so I look forward to the fabulous feeling of being super fit again- lets hope I can get there.
So tomorrow its back to the real world, as Britain finally awakes for its long slumber of two back to back bank holiday weekends. Yay! I cant wait...
And so today's song is:
'Make Me Smile' by Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel, the live version not the watered down one on the Velvet Golmine soundtrack which is (sadly) now a sofa commercial!
*:-)) Lulu
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