Mad Englishmen & Dogs Out in the Sunday Noon

God I hate weekends around here! All the tourists and Sunday dog walkers coming in like they own the place ARGH.
I used to think it was just me, but after having chatted about it, and seen it first hand with neighbors that are usually quite peaceful, I know its a larger problem.
You set out for a leisurely Sunday stroll and then some 'outsider' (I use the term partially tongue in cheek, hence the quotation marks) comes along and spoils it, either by saying something rude or having a rude dog. They have no dog etiquette. But apparently this does not exist only in the doggy populous; I've heard from parents that the 'outsider' children and their parents are equally ill behaved- stealing toys, knocking children down- horrible.
I have been reading quite a bit of Alexander McCall Smith lately (his Edinburgh bits, not the Africa ones) and it does make me wonder if people in Edinburgh are really as better behaved as he says or if he is just speaking through the rose coloured glasses of a true patriot. Perhaps a move to Edinburgh is on the cards... could they really be more morally upright there? If so, weather or not, it would be my dream home, but somehow one rather doubts it. Moral bankruptcy is the norm these days, and I dont know if there is anywhere one can go to escape it.
By the way, this piece was going to be called 'Mission Ab***ed' but even with the asterisks I dont like that word. Anyway, due to continuing health probs I skipped the preg attempt for this month, A is still twisting and turning in the torture of hers and I empathise so deeply. I'm just not sure I can put my health through it again- not this month anyway. I did have my LH which lasted over 24 hours which is quite good, I think.
Still sorting out where to move next, and with D day looming at three weeks to the day, I better sort something soon. Today in effort to clear my head, I baked muffins and cleaned the house, did laundry, all that. That is my usual Sunday ritual but I find its also a good prelude to preparing to pack and move.
Anyway,
Here we go. Where? I dont know

Weebble Wobble

Sorry I havent written in a few days but things have been moving pretty quickly lately and very busy.
I have fully recovered from my depression and am now earnestly planning interview appointments with new prospective donors, but the donor I think would be the best isnt available.
On top of this I saw a flat (not great) which is going to offers today and I cant decide if I'm going to NY shortly or not, in which case I wont need a flat, or, if I could find something better (I think so).
In the mean time all of my friends seem to be going through rough times and need my support, poor things!
Especially A, has been going through the roughest time with her fertility treatments and the conflicting opinions of the various specialists, having been through all of this myself, with both regular and fertility health care I feel for her so completely and am doing my best to be a support, but one feels so helpless ARGH. It makes me (once again) want to retrain in medicine to help people like us.

SO do I choose one of these donors, or hold out for the ideal donor? DO I stay here with my (relatively) happy life for now, or take the risk that things will be better for me in NY? I must stop weebble wobbling ad make some decisions!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel or Just Further Down the Rabbit Hole...?

Well, you can tell by the title of this post that I am definitely NOT pregnant. I started bleeding at 6 this morning. The night before however I had a very scary health 'event' which I have had a number of times before- sharp pain in my chest and not being able to breath. It is suspected pulmoary emboli, although I am yet to have the tests,as they are quite expensive and I am trying to sort the finances.
In the mean time, had a nice walk with A and our dogs, and she told me that the condition I am concerned about having, a clotting disorder which causes embryos not to implant is called thrombophilia. All the money spent and the specialists and test and this has never been mentioned to me?? SHocking.
Anyway, I did my Internet research and now hoping to have the thrombophilia tests next week. The good thing is if I am diagnosed with it, i can be treated and it may treat both my scary health 'event's and my recurrent miscarriage problem...so, is it the  light at the end of the tunnel, or just further down the rabbit hole?
In the mean time, I am become further immersed in the culture of online open donors,a fascinating subculture, similar to internet dating in many ways, the motivations seem as varied as the donors themselves. II have been in touch with a few here, and two in New York, as its looking very likely that I will be returning home soon, at least for a while. The fact that A and her husband (and dog of course!) will be relocating there in the spring takes some of the sting out of it, but I still havent gotten my head around it entirely- I thought I was never going back, and I expect that things I hated about it when I left will be as prevalent as ever, only more so in contrast to London. Still, the hope that I will perhaps have better luck in pregnancy pursuits there does add a ray of hope to the otherwise claustrophobic feelings that the thought of moving back inspires in me, and again I wonder, the light at the end of the tunnel, or just further down the rabbit hole?

Once more into their breeches

A had her embryo transfer on Monday so is now in the beginning of her two week wait, and I have high hopes for her, I really do. I just really wish we could go through pregnancy together, instead me being left behind once again.
As for me, I havent gotten my period yet, but quite sure I'm not preggo. More correctly am sure I was, but had yet another spontaneous abortion (very early miscarriage). Now researching treatments for that and I have joined a new donor site and started corresponding with some promising sounding new donors. I am feeling quite premenstrual and after a couple of days of hormonal (and situational) blues, but getting right back on the horse(s) is the best cure! This time I am definitely switching horses though. The great bonus of my situation is I can try another partner without any obligation to the last...Goodbye boring grumpy smelly donor (and hopefully onto someone better) I suppose this is a form of dating for the second decade f the new millenium...?

Ovulation Goggles

Of course we've all heard of 'beer goggles', but 'ovulation goggles'? I bet I'm not the only woman to have them...and they're how I come to be waiting to find out if I'm pregnant by a man I would never choose as a partner.
Come to think of it, its been the instigator of most, if not all my sexual encounters in recent years.
The thing is, I really really believe I like the guy at the time, but once the window has passed I cant think of a reason to keep contact. Now, with L the plot is thickened by the fact that, I didnt have sex with him, but undertook to get pregnant with him, so was surprised that the same applied, I wasnt sure about him because he was a rather dismal combo of negative,over-straight and not very bright or interesting... but not hideous looking and a fairly gentle soul (if a bit moody), and so I think I rode on that. Anyway, now I am vaguely horrified that I went ahead, but its too late for that now- if the outcome is positive, that is!
Speaking of which, nausea is my constant companion, but its still too early to do the test, and the nausea could be caused by the progresterone I am taking. I am planning to do a home test tomorrow morning, but even thats a bit early, so I could have a false negative.  I am so nervous about doing it, but not sure if I'm more afraid if the the result will be positive or negative...Yikes, there's no going back now!

Am I or Not...?

The two week wait is such a killer. It sounds like a short period of time but every time I've been through this, once I get to the end of week one I am ready to give in and spend £40 on a blood test.
I spend every monet analysing every twinge of nausea (a regular thing for me), tiredness (who isnt?) and on and on...
Computer still on the blink so I'll leave you here for now, and the end of week one...fingers crossed!

Fast Forward to Today

Hey! Well, it has been days since I last posted so thought I better explain...
My laptop died a great death and so am reduced to internet cafe use! :-(
L did his last thingy on Saturday eve (its now Tuesday) and I am steadfastly trying to ignore any symptoms.
He tried to ring me 4 times on Sunday, and I finally had to tell him in no uncertain terms to give me a break, Yikes! I thought he might turn into another psycho, but luckily since I sent him that email he hasnt tried again.He's a bloody sperm donor for God sake, what does he want?? If I'm not preggo, I will definitely go the anonymous route next time, better that way. After all, I didnt get through two marriages a several boyfriends trying to ensnare me in their miserable traps via pregnancy just to end up in this with a stranger!
Anyway, must go, these places are always so yukk!!! *:-)