Well, back to the basic old life, but not quite- responses regarding the Times article continue to come in.
I was contacted by a documentary filmmaker today regarding a piece she is doing on fertility which sounds interesting, and my Dad sent a pretty scathing email about the piece- which shocked me a bit, but really was pretty much the reaction I expected from him. One hopes for parental support, but doesnt always get it, and all I can say is, Thank heavens I have had such a tremendous amount of support from all the other people I know. Funny thing, I was shopping for a birthday card for him today...
Now, moving swiftly on to the other kind of Dad- the Dad who will be the donor dad to our new babies.
As I see it (but this is subjective of course), the criteria for a donor is quite similar the criteria for someone you might want to marry or choose for a friend. After all, its not only looks that are past on genetically. Looks are important but as far as intelligence, sense of humour, and kindness, I think the person that you find you are the most comfortable with, is probably the best bet as your donor dad. After all, the baby might not take after their father in this department, but what if they do? You dont want have picked the best looking a**hole, and then live your life regretting that you are raising and parent to an absolute creep who you dont like. Remember, you may only meet the donor for one night, but he will be with you in some way in that little one for the rest of your life.
Now, speaking of one night, I would strongly recommend that you meet your potential donors when you are NOT ovulating. Your hormones will have you wearing the strongest rose tinted glasses of all; I call these Ovulation Goggles. The desire for a baby can strongly colour your views on a person, and make you overlook not only character and physical things that you might otherwise find unacceptable, but things like proof of STD tests, and specific requirements such as, for instance, my insistence that he be willing to have his real name on the birth certificate, but you will likely have your own requirements. So, I would recommend you set a date to meet, coffee is best unless you are absolutely sure you can keep a clear head and drinking to a minimum even under pressure. Bring with you a written list of questions, anything you want to know about his past, and relationship with his family, but most important what his expectations are from the arrangement, if he is willing to sign a donor contract (co-parent match has something about these on their home page) , and whether he is willing to meet all your requirements both about the way you want to go about the insemination and then after you become pregnant. Remember, the word 'donor' is the key. He is there to meet all your needs as you spell them out, and if the donor you meet makes you feel uncomfortable or disappointed, or doesnt want to meet your requirements, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT.
Once you get into this, you will see that there a huge number of donors willing to help, all with different looks and personality, but also different visions of what their role will be and how that want to be helpful. There will be someone to match with you. I would also strongly recommend meeting at least two before deciding.
I know how the strong desire to have a baby can make you feel in such a rush that you may overlook these things, but I sincerely want you to be happy, so please try to take a deep breath (follow the advice in the N&B Guide Part 1 :-) and find Mr Right Dad, not Mr Right Now Dad, because this baby is for life!
As for where you might meet Mr Right Dad? I've found http://www.co-parentmatch.com/ to be enormously helpful. They have a large number of donors, plus a wide variety of people looking for co-parents, if this is something you would like to consider. Dont be fooled by the name though, there are a large number of men strictly interested in becoming donors there. I tried another site before discovering them, but they no longer exist so not worth talking about. From what I gather their are other sites too, although I cannot comment on them as I havent felt the need to go beyond the one I'm using. If I do, I will be sure to update you all, of course! :-)
Thats it for this topic. In the next part of the N&B Guide, I will be tackling the sticky (pun not intended) topic of AI v NI.
I'm off to do some Sedona Method Releasing!
http://www.sedona.com/?a_aid=starsfromthesky
*:-) Lulu
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