Hey ho, again I feel I must apologise for not keeping things up to date. AGAIN.
But, what with my computer being dead as a dodo for a few days (needed a new power cord, again, the second in three months, but that was somewhat of a relief as fairly cheap to sort out), and more nutty neighbors which make it impossible to it peacefully at my desk and write, its been tough, although my mind has been full of ideas. Which has led me to the decision that I must get one of those mini laptops so that I can a) have a back up devise, and b) take it with me and write in pubs, parks cafes etc. The money isnt there, but am beginning to see it as a professional necessity.
Anyway, getting on to what this piece is supposed to be about as per the title, last week I had a very surreal experience. Usually when I set up a scenario like it my mid would be rife with memories and connections and projecting how I was going to feel, but because I have been so distracted by donor stuff, and money stuff, and business stuff (related to money stuff, but not the same) and perhaps because the Sedona Method has allowed me to let go of some of my obsessiveness, it just didnt cross my mind, until I had crossed the threshold. 'Of where?' I hear you asking, hold on, I'm getting to that. I started having an obsessive moment a few weeks ago that I should check out my reproductive health (still obsessive in some ways then) and as such, felt I should do a chlamydia test (bought from Boots for £25, why spend more, esp when I've only had sex about 3 times since my last one) and get a smear test (known as a pap smear in the States), since I hadnt had one in a couple of years. After giving some thought to my GYN options (all private as I do not currently use the NHS) I realised that the two GYNs I'd been to wouldnt do,didnt really like them plus would have to pay for an office visit, so made an appointment at the London Women's Clinic where, not only did ave my last smear done by a female nurse fora reasonable cost, I have had a number of fertility treatments and tests there as well.
It just didnt occur to me how much water had passed under the bridge of my fertility journey since my last visit.
SO now having become the face of known donoring, and having tried both AI and NI through those means, and having been properly pregnant and miscarrying, you could say that quite a bit has gone on in the last couple of years. It made me realise just how much I have change and matured in my relationship to this stuff and how much more in control I feel; because I have taken control, and so it felt quite good. Plus I got my smear done for £50 by a nice female nurse, instead of having some rough handed male doctor do it.
Win win really. My only gripe is that they wont, in some bid for sensitivity, leave the results on my voice mail, which means a constant round of phone tag, but never mind.
That's it really *:-)
So in the next couple of posts, I'' take about new donors found and lost (some intentionally), and meeting up with an old friend.
Until then, the only song thats been going through my head lately is kind of sappy and 90s, its 'Hold On' by those Beach Boy daughters (gakk, but lyrically appropriate *:-))
I have read this blog (since hearing you on the radio.) with interest and wonder about throwing my hat in the ring as I to am a late starter.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me think about the changing relationship between men and women since the war and the fact that the family unit isn't necessarily the best way forward, that between the lines explaining the ups and downs of trying to produce children you are breaking new ground on how relationships might/could work in the future.