2 Down 3 to Go

Feeling a bit weird at the moment. L has just left after completing Day 2 of our little project.
Its all so strange doing this thing with someone I dont know very well. Different than if pregnancy resulted from a drunken one nightstand, which I'm sure bears its own issues. I wouldnt know, having never been there, Thank God, although it could be a blessing depending how strong your beer goggles had been the night before.
But no, my route is entirely chosen. I feel good about it overall, not wavering for a minute in my complete desire for its success. Nevertheless, L has come over twice now and we have a nice cosy chat, and then I leave for walk around the block whilst he...'does the busness'. The I return and he leaves swiftly so that I can do my part. It might be all the less strange if he were some arty anything goes type, but he is quite straight, and more than a bit Catholic, and yet he seems more matter of fact in some ways about it than I am.
And very odd to me is, he doesnt know how much contact he will get with the child if I do get pregnant. I could never do that. At first I distrusted his motives. But then I decided that as he is a basically decent person, and I wanted this, I had to trust him without entirely understanding his motives, which led me to some interesting revelations about myself, and how I trust people so little, so I find myself starting to being more trusting with others as well, and enjoying that. I do think that people who are generally trusting of strangers get on much better in the world.
And now, I'm trying not to get too caught up in the will it work or wont it, there'll be time enough for that when this week is over and there's nothing left to do but wait.
Miraculously Mr Dog has made friends with another dog who's owner is trying to get pregnant this week, although hers is through IVF and she and I having discovered this and so many other things we have in common, including long term illness and many miscarriages, are quite relieved to have someone to share it all with. Because although my route is entirely unconventional and her completely accepted, both are incredibly isolating in their own way. And our dogs seem equally happy to play together like a couple of mad things, or litter-mates, something Mr Dog hasnt done with another dog in a very long time...
But still, I do feel strange, its that strangeness you feel when things start to change rapidly, and life takes on the feeling of a bicycle ride down a steep hill without brakes, good and frightening at the same time.
But, unlike so many times before, this time I wont be putting on the brakes, I'm just going to ride it to the end, trusting that when I get there, the journey will have been worth it.